Link grab bag

Fleshy encourages us to view the Vader Sessions and a VERY NSFW deleted scene from Knocked Up.

Marty has news of an alernative to the NFL. He is probably already working on the fantasy version of this.

And the Sizzler shares a "classic" 70's cop show opening credits video.

The fighter with the hard left hook

Looks like someone interesting is taking a run at Gordon Smith - finally. Portland readers - any thoughts?

Thanks to Crustodio, our friend in Seattle...

The Kids Rock!

My Tulane friend Toby sent this link. Her hubby John has set up a charity to provide mp3/cd players to unisured kids with cancer. There's a benefit at the Trash Bar, if you happen to be reading this in NYC*.

*Highly unlikey.

Celine and...son?

Maybe it's not that bad. He could have a mullet or a rat-tail.



Oh I'm sure he'll be fine. Really. What's the worst that could happen?

Thanks, the Superficial

I can't help myself

There are so many reasons to be pessimistic, but I can't help but hold out hope that this upcoming movie will be a ton of fun.

The French Kennedys?

Interesting article in the Times about the Sarkozy family. I love the fact that the French don't give a fuck about the same type of "scandals" that would ruin a politician's career here.

No offense to the French, but I think Jackie still keeps the "hottie" title.

Thanks, New York Times and Mental Floss.

Counterpoint: It was all a Punk

At a shocking press conference on Friday morning, actor and prankster Ashton Kutcher informed a stunned press gathering that the Bush administration has been a high-spirited prank orchestrated by the actor himself. "The past seven years, man . . . what can I say? You guys have all been punk'd."


Read the full release here.

Thanks, Izzle pfaff!

New presidential directive gives Bush dictatorial power

Gulp.

Thanks, Marty.

The Bjork Chop!

Priceless tidbit from The Slog:

"I work in a restaurant here in Seattle called The Fisherman’s. No big deal when Bjork shows up Friday with her cute little mini-Bjork daughter and asked for “pork on a stick.” I could dig that, like a corndog with no corn part. No, a pork chop on a stick. WTF? We grilled said pork chop (a sweet 12oz porterhouse), cut it into pieces, and presented it skewered by those colored frill picks. It was the most Bjorky pork, totally inedible looking. She loved it I guess, because guess who came back just before heading to the Gorge on Saturday for another? We now call it the Bjork Chop."

fall down. go boom. still look hot.

Sadly, I actually saw this as it happened. So sue me.

Beer! For kids!

Thanks, T.V. in Japan

Too old for acting...

I gues some people would rather focus on their charities, than be in "Cars 2" with Larry, the Cable Guy. Well, fine...

While Nerds Sleep

The dreams they dream are the stuff of heaven.

Thanks, BoingBoing

UPDATE: Mr. Best wants more:
Pics at Flickr
Video

"This guy's brilliant!"

Well, he was once. Pete Doherty in a cute & cheeky candid moment - pre-Libertines, pre-drugs, pre-Kate Moss, pre-total write-off. What a waste....

R.I.P., Horatio J. HooDoo

Sure, I could mention his Tony Awards, all the times he was on The Tonight Show, or even his stellar work on the Hollywood Squares, but those will be covered well by the press.

Me? I'm going to miss that freaky dude from Lidsville. Rest well, Charles Nelson Reilly.

Best new drinking game: Edward Fortyhands

Great Judd Apatow article in the Times magazine today. 40 Year-Old Vrigin was probably the best comedy of this decade. Can't wait till Knocked Up hits the screens next month. Anyway, I enjoyed this tidbit from the article: Off-screen, they hang out together, sometimes play drinking games like Edward Fortyhands, in which two 40-ounce beers are taped to your hands and not removed until they’re empty. Nice! I guess I know what we're doing next weekend during the Crustodio/Best summit meeting in Seattle....

That sit-down with Satan was really productive

1. The Browns get two first-round picks
2. The Tribe is leading their division
3. The Cavs are in the Eastern Conference Finals

I'll need to have my girl schedule a one-on-one about my career soon.

"This may be fascinating, but this is nonsense"

Listen to Methusela, kids!
The Creation Museum opens in Petersburg, Kentucky.

Thanks, Seattle Times

Monsterpig!

Imagine seeing this bad boy strolling through your backyard. Wubububububub... (that's what a serious case of the heebie-jeebies sounds like, in case you were wondering.)



Read the full article here.

Thanks, Boing Boing

Arlo Rocks

My old friend Jennifer, has a son, Arlo.

That kid freakin' rocks.

In the Flesh

Weird how this kind of thing happens. In the early Pink Floyd days, Dave Gilmour was the epitome of the pretty boy hippy, while Roger Waters was a gangly, horse-faced grump.

Now, Gilmour looks like this:

And Roger Waters looks like frickin' Richard Gere!

How the hell did that happen? Ah, the vagaries of time.

Update

Update from A meeting with the CEO:


Release of Unapproved Ads Get Saatchi Fired

Thank you, Adrants

"O"

It's two silly videos in a row! Worth it, me thinks.

That's what she said

In honor of the 30th anniversary of the original Star Wars, here are the top 10 "That's what she said" Star Wars Moments.




Yes, I know. I'm a 14-year old.

Thanks, collegehumor.com

Not new. Just beautiful.

Take a couple minutes and enjoy. Realize that once in a deep, royal blue moon an ad comes along and makes you wonder if maybe you're a little to quick on the trigger with your DVR fast forward button.



Then, of course, something like this comes along and you praise your choice of higher being that TIVO was invented.

Canadians love dirty talk

Help a grad student out - this poor bastard is trying to get his thesis done. I've been in his shoes, and finishing your thesis can be a monumental task. I think I was the first person in 10 years who did it on time at Tulane. Anyway, you can legitimately share all your nasty kinks by filling out this sex survey*. NOTE: Apparently, it will take 45 minutes to complete, which is a unit of time I refer to as "one side of a cassette". As in, "It took me one side of a cassette to drive to Gresham during rush hour".

Thanks, Savage Love.


* WARNING: Filling out a sex survey may be considered NSFW. FIlling out a 45 minute long sex survey at work may be considered ballsy as hell, and I want your job.

Sicko

Finally, a trailer for Michael Moore's latest. I'm a huge fan, and really look forward to this fair and balanced total mega-slam on the health care/insurance industry. Because they suck.

Thanks, Pop Candy.

Spinal Tap reunites....

Rotund Hollywood super-liberal Rob Reiner is back - and he's got the Tap. Thank you, Meathead*! Check out the video here.



*Reiner has stated that "I could win the Nobel Prize and they’d write 'Meathead wins the Nobel Prize.' "

Jesus chimes in on Jerry's death

You know, if I were Jesus, I'd keep a blog too.

Coke and Nagel - must be the 80's...

Nice cover on the latest issue of Willamette Week. I think more than any other artist, Patrick Nagle sums up the 80's visual zeitgeist. I think of Keith Haring as the 80's, Peter Max as the 60's. Not sure about other decades. Help...?

He may be a republican...

...but this is a guy I can root for



Thanks, snorgtees.com

Bush Laughs At Your Stupid Seatbelt Laws

FIne - be a dipshit. We don't care. We'll laugh at you, Retard-Zombie!



Thanks, Wonkette.

Public service announcement for people who send too large attachments

7 Ways to Send HUGE Files

Gmail users can now send up to 20MB of attachments to each other. But we want more! Here are 7 awesome services that let you send files of more than 500MB.

One of the best known file delivery services, YouSendIt allows you to send up to a 100MB file without creating an account. Upon uploading a file to YouSendIt, an email is sent to the recipient, where they are given a link to download the file. The download is available for 7 days and includes advertising on the page. YouSendIt also offers a variety of premium accounts starting at $4.99/mo that allow you to send files up to 2GB, use more bandwidth, and remove the ads from your download pages.

With a 500MB limit, MegaUpload offers the most storage space we found for non-paying users to send files. The service functions in the same way as YouSendIt, with no account necessary to send a file. For users that sign up and subscribe to a monthly or annual plan, MegaUpload offers “unlimited” file size and downloads, faster download speeds, and less advertising (the advertising on the free download pages is pretty aggressive).

Perhaps the simplest of the file transfer services, zUpload offers you up to 500MB to share a single file. A unique URL is generated for each file and is available for 30 days. Unlike the other services, there are no user accounts or premium features at the moment. It appears zUpload is entirely advertiser supported.

DropSend allows you to send files up to 1GB with a premium account (starting at $5/mo). Meanwhile, their free account provides you with 250MB of storage and up to 5 sends per month. Unlike some of the other services, you do need to create an account in order to send a file. The company also offers a desktop client for both Windows and Mac.

Based in the UK, MailBigFile functions almost exactly the same as YouSendIt. Without registering, you can send up to a 100MB file, while a Pro Account ($20/yr) allows you up to 2GB. MailBigFile also claims unlimited bandwidth, but since they cap it at 25 downloads per month, there are indeed limits. The company also gets our vote for the best no frills Web 2.0 domain name :)

- Source unknown.

If you're a fan of the show...

...you're a fan of the mistresses. At least some of them.

The Hottest Mistresses of the Sopranos

Stop writing so much

Sadly, this rings true to my ears:

"Combined, the books in the Harry Potter series have sold over 250 million copies worldwide. Somebody’s reading all those words. Words that are typeset on pages. Pages that are bound in book form.

So why the hell do my clients think a paragraph with 3 sentences of copy is “too long” for their audience?

It’s not consumers who have the short attention spans. It’s the clients. Because today’s clients aren’t concerned with brand equity, customer relationships, or long-term initiatives. It’s a project-to-project, deliverable-to-deliverable existence. They’re worried about their jobs—and surviving in those jobs for one more month."

Read the full article here.

What are we yelling at chicks from our car?

Thanks, Onion.

The Hall of Douchebags

*MUSIC SNOB ALERT* This is a hilarious (and endless) time suck. A compendium of abysmal band photos. This may lead you to the conclusion that... bands are stupid.

Yes, that is Pete Best on the far left, above. Thanks, early 1990's!

This (fake) band could be your life

A history of indie rock icons: Holocaust Pity Fuck
Since forming in suburban Boring, Oregon, Holocaust Pity Fuck broke into the indie rock scene in 1990 with their debut album, Incapable of Almost Smothering. The band's latest album, Vanity Pricks, layers Davey Marmalade's unabashed vocals with lo-fi production to produce another collection of retro-inspired crowd pleasers. With standout tracks like "Varnish, Vanish and Shine," don't be surprised if you find Holocaust Pity Fuck at the top of the indie rock charts and beyond.

This is awesome: Fictional Band Bio Generator!

Thanks, Pop Candy.

Ok, time for a CONTEST. Please enter your best/worst fake bio in the comments field. Best/worst entry will receive a featured post later this week.

TriQuint Semiconductor - we luv u 2.

Hey, you know that I love Portland. But, don't just take it from me - let TriQuint Semiconductor share their love!

Free citywide WiFi in Portland! One catch - it sucks.

It's a great idea and I hope it works out soon. But, for now, it's unusable.

Thanks, CNN.

Free Speech vs. Mongzilla

I can't say that I agree with what the kids are doing here, but the power of YouTube has reared its head in the classroom. Watch yourself, teachers.

You may wish to read the story first.

But if you're impatient, just watch the video:

Win Nick's Life

Win Nick's Life is a bit of brilliance from Steinlager of New Zealand. Go there now and be sure to watch "Nick's Job" and "Nick's Girlfriend".

Cheers to all beer makers that realize their product sells fun. Not value. Not "pure refreshment". Just a good time.

An ad campaign that uses the force

These airport displays for Star Wars Weekend are freakin' awesome. And no, I won't be going.

Thanks, American Copywriter

What a feeling in 1984

Watch Steve Jobs rock out to Irene Cara. Watch him trash IBM. Watch him introduce perhaps the most famous commercial in the world.



Thanks, adfreak

Yeah, and someone slipped me a roofie before that Sociology test too

George? You start whining about this now?

Laughing through a music video

I'm sure there are more examples of comedians showing up in music videos, but I can only seem to remember the truly uninspired You Can Call Me Al and Don't Worry Be Happy (with apologies to the uber-talented Bill Irwin).

But Zach Galifianakis makes this video. Truly.



Thanks, Pamie

Miracle at Wendy's

From one of my favorite places, Defective Yeti

Made 5000 Fishwiches Out Of Five Buns And Two Cod

That's my girl, asshole

Normally I don't condone this kind of thing. But this groups seems to deserve it.

Thanks, Boing Boing.

Memory Lane

Recollections Of The Late Elliott Smith

Fucking idiots play football

and enjoy some harmless dog fighting...

He's just so goddamn dreamy...

Swoon. Sigh. Oh, heavenly man-crush, take me away...

OK, I admit it's the 3 giant Mac monitors that pushed me over the edge....

Thanks to Scout Radio.

With apologies to joe

Sorry Joe, but I must buy this t-shirt.

Defending Starbucks

I usually do. Defend Starbucks, that is. I freelanced for their creative department over a summer once and they were good people.

And to hear folks in the Northwest bitch about Starbucks becoming too large simply makes me laugh. You live up here. There are Starbucks dollars in your pocket right now you dipshit. Besides, if it weren't for them, you'd still be drinking Maxwell House you sanctimonious piece of crap. Seriously, you think you'd have your little corner coffee shop if Starbucks hadn't taught us all to hate Mrs. Olsen and her bullshit coffee?

Get over yourself.

But now, maybe, they've gone too far. Starbucks in Jackson Square? Neaux!!!!!

A meeting with the CEO

Hi! I work in advertising and I'd like to sell the souls of the dead to push my product. Why thank you, Lucifer! Is that a new tie?

Simple. Entertaining. Brilliant.

Ads for the Children's Theater of San Francisco.

The Long and Winding Blog

Kind of a surprise this morning - indie taste-maker Pitchfork does a pretty good interview with Sir Paul.

Yes, they call her the streak...

Thanks to Yes But No But Yes... Top Ten Female Streakers

Better... Faster.... Stronger... and, um, well... Hotter.

This one is for you, Crustodio.

Worst tour ever

This makes even the upcoming Def Leppard, Styx, Journey tour seem palatable:

"In a bill straight out of 1995, Counting Crows will tour minor-league baseball stadiums this summer with support from Live and Collective Soul. Third Eye Blind will also join the lineup for a handful of shows."

Jesus, could it get any worse? Wasn't Creed available...? Well, you could take this quiz:

ARE YOU IN THE WORST BAND IN THE WORLD?
Take this simple multiple-choice quiz and save yourself some embarrassment!

1 How long is your drummer’s solo?
a) He doesn’t get one.
b) A couple minutes is all, and it’s very funky.
c) Which of our drummers are you talking about?

2 What is the secret of your success?
a) Inspiration.
b) Perspiration.
c) Butchering old soul classics in a manner beloved by middle-aged housewives and the mentally unwell.

3 How many times has your band’s lineup changed?
a) Never happened, dude. If anyone left, it just wouldn’t be the same.
b) A few. It’s so hard to find a good accordionist.
c) 1,179.

4 The name of your band is…
a) A favorite phrase from a William S. Burroughs novel.
b) An action verb, followed by an even number.
c) Indistinguishable from that of an accounting firm.

5 What is your favorite subject matter for lyrics?
a) The pain of loving.
b) The joy of drinking.
c) Dragons. Or dungeons. But mostly dragons.

IF YOU ANSWERED…
Mostly a): Congratulations! You’re in a good band.
Mostly b): Commiserations! You’re in a not-very-good band.
Mostly c): What’s that sucking sound? Oh, it’s you.

Thanks to Blender.

Brownie points

Which reminds me... about 8 years ago, I was at a mixing session for my band's debut album. Our producer Tony Lash was at the mixing console in the basement of his friend's house, who was also a music pro. The friend wasn't home, but his girlfriend was there. Between songs we could hear her padding around upstairs.

We were there for a pretty long time, just trying to power through it. After about 2 hours of non-stop work, this incredible smell of baking cookies or brownies came wafting down the stairs. I went up to do a reconnoiter and saw a giant plate of brownies cooling on the kitchen counter. The girlfriend was nowhere to be seen. Overcoming temptation to grab and stuff one in my face, I went downstairs to report my finding to Tony. We were both starving and the brownies smelled so damn good....

After some deep soul-searching and debates on proper guest etiquette, we came to a mutual decision to leave the brownies alone. So we rather miserably finished the mixing session. It was, after all, a pretty big deal to get this mix right. We didn't have much time and money, so we needed to bear down and get it done. The last thing we needed was to get kicked out of the house for stealing a brownie.

So, we were down there for another 3 or 4 hours and finished up, totally starving. As we were getting ready to leave, Tony's friend came home. We chatted a bit and I mentioned how we had not succumbed to the allure of their brownies. I was so proud of not stealing even one. He started laughing and spit out that they were actually extremely potent pot brownies! He said they were so strong that they basically would put us into a coma. Tony and I exchanged glances, realizing that we had just dodged a major bullet. If we had eaten those brownies we would have been too high to mix the record. So, you see, not eating the brownies was actually a good thing - why does this all of a sudden seem like an entry on Guideposts.com? I guess it would have been a better story if we had eaten them and gotten too high to mix our record and thrown up on the mixing board or something. At least, more of a rock story. Hmmm, maybe that's how I'll tell it from now on.

time is going by really really really really slow.

This could have been any given night for me between 1983 and 1986. Not counting, of course, the 911 call.

I think we're dead.

When the Deal Goes Down

As also referenced by me a few days ago. Ah, Super 8 film. Maybe it's just our generation, but there's something about that film stock that unleashes massive waves of nostalgia and wistfulness. So, this clip of a beautiful young woman somewhere in the past, coupled with the melancholy nature of Zimmy's song has an almost unbearable sadness to it. Is it the thought of a future yet unlived? Or looking back at the beauty of youth knowing this person is now old or dead? It just kills. OK, maybe it's just me. You might just like to look at Scarlett Johansson's boobs.

Woody at the Oscars

As referenced by Mr. Best a few days ago.

Banned Commercial

I've seen this a few times over the years and stumbled across it again today. And each time I imagine that those are Pete Best's parents in the front seat.

Another reason that Jerry is in hell now

It turns out that Tinky was traumatized.

Irony

Larry Flint shows some "Christian" compassion regarding the death of Jerry Falwell.

I have a serious gas problem

Okay, sure. I should be riding the bus again. I did it for a long time. Did my part. But when you live in the suburbs of this town, the transit system STOPS at 6:00.

Six? Really? I hope the government and bank workers enjoy the ride, because the rest of us often have no freakin' clue how late we're going to have to work.

Got a last minute presentation? A meet-and-greet with clients? Tough luck. Enjoy the $60 cab ride home.

This morning I paid $3.59 a gallon to fill my tank. Regular. Self-serve. I'm going to go cry now.

Gotta love the Bruce

Horror movies. Cameo in Spider Man. Commercials. Doesn't really matter, does it?



See the finished commercial here.

Thanks, American Copywriter.

Woody Allen interviews Billy Graham

Strange to think that I now admire Billy more than Woody. OK, that's not really true, but Billy has managed to be a Christian leader without spewing the usual hateful vitriol, so I can respect him to a good degree. On the other hand, Woody went and fucked his step-daughter and repulsively made out with actresses way too young and hot for him. And his movies really have stunk for many years - which is probably the bigger crime for me:). So, I've sort of lost my love of Woody. Even though I almost see every one of his films. Match Point was pretty good - but man, Scarlett Johansson cannot act. But that's another post....

Yet the Wood-man was absolutely a joy to behold in his 70's heyday, as this clip attests. His incredible appearance at the post-9/11 Oscars was a brief reminder of what he used to be able to do...

Ah, the memories...

Ark II: When the future meant polyester bodysuits, a tricked-out RV and a monkey companion...

What, how did a show about a post-apocolyptic future ever end up on Saturday morning tv....? No wonder us cold-war kids are so freakin' paranoid...

70's Live Kid Vid

A sad day in Seattle

Howard Bulson has died. If you ever had the pleasure to see him in action, you know what I mean.

Reliving the 90's (or "Say it with Monkees")

God, I can't believe this was so long ago. It's been 15 years since the height of grunge. Why do fads or movements always seem so ridiculous and puny in hindsight? The reality of grunge was like a pebble, the hype around it was like a rock garden. In fact, I always disliked grunge as a type of music, it was just 70's stoner rock played by cool kids. Anyway, I love the Mickey Dolenz cameo here - perfect. Hey Crustodio, has Seattle changed...?

Say it with monkeys

When in doubt, use monkeys to sell your product. I'm serious. Just make sure you do it well, like these guys.

Thank you, Adrants.

It's past time...

...that someone used this song and video for a commercial. If your demo is in the 35-45 range, that's a direct hit.

Crotch shot or merit badge?

Remember, kids, the internet will haunt your life forever and ever. That's why we use fake names on this blog. Right, Buster Turtlefish?

Best Product Name Ever

And the copy is damn near perfect too.

Starmaker

I had no idea that the man helped launch their career.

Behold my power

Watch out y'all. 2007 is
the year of the copywriter. Pay up, suckers.

Thank you, American Copywriter.