Sofa King

I was just reminded this morning of this SNL sketch. Childish. Silly. Hilarious. And above the bar that recent shows have lowered.

Ad for Egoista Magazine

Well done.

Thanks, Ad-Dict.com

Old? I'm not.

Oh Christ, yes I am.


Thanks, That Ain't Art

Not here! Not now! Not on my watch!

Man gives CPR to a bale of hay.

"Deputies think the man had been drinking. The report says he thought Tuesday was Halloween and he had two empty bottles of bourbon inside his home."

Thanks, Obscure Store

Not News at All

I don't care if this is staged or not, I think I love this woman.

Thanks, Mr. Best

Ah, the grand obsession of my youth: G.I. Joe.


Hours. Days. Weeks. When childhood boredom set in, my G.I. Joes were always there.

It's very possible that Kung Fu Grip excited me more than the moon landing. When life-like hair arrived, my brother and I would, in a far-too-prescient manner, rub the backs of their heads on the driveway until they had realistic-looking bald spots.

I had the Training Center, the ATV, the helicopter, all the good stuff. Man, I was happily spoiled.

I try to hold on to that childlike ability to let go, believe fully in the moment. To take joy out of pure imagination. It helps with both acting and writing. If only it were as easy now as it was then.

Thanks for your post, Mr. Best, and for bringing me back there for a minute.

Idiotic Brainwasher

When I was five, we moved to Ohio. I became best friends with Derek Davidson, the kid a couple houses down. For about 2 years we played together all the time. He was a very imaginative kid, later going on to be a child actor in Baltimore, I think. Then he and his family moved away and, even though we wrote letters back and forth for a while, we lost touch. Anyway, we came up with this long curse/insult name, that we used to chant to each other. Somehow, and I don't know how, I still remember it perfectly, 37 years later...

You idiotic brainwasher,
disconnected, fluoridected*,
overgrown dum-dum,
nicompoop, poopydoop,
dingbat magician, ding-a-ling.

I love some of these phrases. "Dingbat magician"? "Idiotic brainwasher"? Where did those come from? I loved being a kid, when your imagination was almost a palpable thing. I used to play with action figures all the time (or as my Dad called them, "dolls") and I could spend hours and hours living in this other world.

One of the saddest things I remember is when I started growing too old for them. I just lost interest and could no longer summon up the imaginary world. I'd try to keep playing with them, but the spark was gone. Evey few months I'd pull them out of the closet and try to make a go of it, but it just wouldn't work. Growing up sucks. That's why I decided to stop.

*Having something to do with Fluoride, I guess.

Subterranean Homesick Muse

Very cool tribute to Dylan's classic Subterranean Homesick Blues video.



Check out the choreography here.

Thanks, Spin.

How to be God

It's pretty easy, really. Just adopt a dog.



View the whole campaign here.

Thanks, Adhunt

This and the previous post were both big winners at the Cannes Lions 2007, an international advertising festival. The big one.

Your signature is more powerful than you think

Really powerful video for Amnesty International France.



Thanks, Houtlust

Random Flickr Day

Sometimes when I'm in desperate need of inspiration, Flickr becomes my destination. With just a simple search, I'm transported to other places and how other people view them. Splendid. Today's randomness:

The Cavern Club - pic
Wallaby - pic
Guinness - pic
Edwin Booth - pic
Jackson Square - pic

Two guys that we never think about reconcile.

I didn't even know there was a problem.

That's probably because I didn't care.

How Low Can You Go, Part 2

I snapped a camera phone shot of this Oregonian cover on the way to work this morning, and sent it out to friends. Jesus, when did this paper become friggin' FOX News?? That is a really pathetic excuse for journalism. This is why I live in Portland and subscribe to the New York TImes and not the Big O.

I searched their incredibly shitty website for a link to this story, but no luck. Their stories don't even have any images. Lame-O.

Thanks, Blogtown, PDX.

How Low Can He Go?

Loving it.... Gee, maybe you were wrong about that whole God-wants-me-to-be-President thing. Or, maybe he's just on another Job trip...

Filming Carrie II in Oregon?

Report: Thousands of pounds of pig blood spilled in southern Oregon. Yuck .

I should have been an engineer

There's no doubt that it would have paid better than advertising and been more stable. And if I had seen this video when I was in high school, that's just what may have happened.



Thanks, Adfreak

6 Flags, 10 toes

"The people on the ride just came and hit the ground," she said. "When I got up there, the lady she was just sitting there, and she didn't have no legs...." Barf.

UPDATE: "The girl's feet were completely amputated just below the ankle Thursday afternoon while riding the Superman Tower of Power at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom in Louisville.

Her feet were recovered by Six Flags staff and were sent to the hospital with her, McLean said."

Fuck CNN , I'm trying to eat my motherfucking lunch over here!

The Best Five Seconds on the Internet

I highly suspect this will be on 1.4 million pages by tomorrow, but maybe we'll be in the first 5-7%.



Thanks, College Humor

Hey kids, let's put on a show...

Though the new Feist record hasn't really excited me (though I really dug Let It Die), I love the new video.

Dude, get your head out of the sand

Stop letting those "scientists" crap on real history.

Cure this.

"Exodus leaders talk deliberately about a possible biological basis for homosexuality, in part to explain that no one can turn a switch and flip from gay to straight, no matter how hard they pray."

Well, duh. Leading gay-haters now sort of admit that they're full of shit.

Now if we can just get them to stop talking about dinosaurs in the Garden of Eden.

Thanks, Slate.

The Ultimate Commercial

You probably have to be old to fully remember Member's Only jackets. You probably have to be old and a little loopy to remember when the soap opera General Hospital was absolutely HUGE, and featured a lovely couple, Luke and Laura.

Because of my mom and sister, I recall all of this. Including how Luke and Laura got together the first time. He raped her. Seriously.

With all that in mind, who else could be the perfect spokesman for Member's Only jackets? None other than Anthony Geary, the actor who played Laura's rapist/lover/eventual husband, Luke.



On a side note, I remember having a serious crush on Laura's friend. She was some reporter, played by a hot-but-way-too-young-to-believe-as-a-reporter, Demi Moore. Hey! It was on right after school! And my mom controlled the TV! Stop looking at me that way!

Thank you, The Consumerist

Heavy rotation....

I can't get enough of this Panda Bear record, it's really perfect for work. Trippy and melodic, soothing but not boring. Adventurous and experimental, but very listenable. Freak folk meets the Beach Boys, or something like that. Apparently, all the rage in NYC.

Just loverly

After all these years, Paul is still the cute one. This ad has been out for a short while, and I'm finding it impossible not to watch it. I have engaged the DVR play button no less that 10 times while fast-forwarding through most other commercials.

To me, it's a great combination that takes equal advantage of his charm, the deserved mantle of rock 'n roll royalty he owns, and the ever-recognizable iPod art direction.

The song is pretty catchy too.

I was close to linking Sir Paul's name to his Wikipedia entry, then thought better of it. If you're not familiar with the history, then you're surely not reading this.

Meet the Puppets

Not sure how I feel about the Meat Puppets reunion and new album. They've been a longtime favorite, dating back to grad school in 1987, when my roomate Erik R. had a copy of the wonderful Up on the Sun (on vinyl, of course). But, it's been a rough few years for younger brother Cris.

"Though the bands drug use included cocaine, heroin and many others, Cris' use of heroin and crack cocaine in particular became so bad he never left his house except to score more drugs. At least two people (including one of his best friends and his wife) died of overdoses at his house in Tempe, AZ during this time.

He was arrested in December 2003 for attacking a security guard at the Main post office in downtown Phoenix, AZ with the guard's baton. The guard shot Kirkwood in the stomach at least twice during the melee, causing serious gunshot injuries requiring major surgery. Kirkwood was subsequently denied bail, the judge citing Kirkwood's previous drug arrests and parole violations. He eventually went to prison at the Arizona state prison in Florence, AZ for felony assault. He was released in July of 2005."

Well, apparently you can't keep a good man down, because he is on the new record and tour. Older brother Curt has been keeping various line-ups going for a while, but not with much success. You can read a fascinating (and long) article here on all of Cris's mishaps. It's quite a good read.

Fun video - really f'n bad winning song

Check out Hillary's video about finally picking a song for her campaign.

Just click through without registering...

Oregon Passes Smoking Ban, but won't take effect till 2009

By then I'll be too old to even go out to bars. Fuck, let's get this thing moving.

Thanks, Portland Mercury Blogtown.

Punk rock is dead

Starbucks to Release Sonic Youth Celebrity Compilation. Although I enjoy some of their stuff (Daydream Nation, Rather Ripped), I've always felt these guys were overrated. And now, apparently as relevant as Paul McCartney and Norah Jones. Sigh...

Love the image - thanks, Pitchfork!

Very excited about the new Art Brut album

Their debut Bang Bang Rock & Roll was a big hit in our household a few years ago, and their show at the Hawthorne Theater was a total blast. Very, very fun band. Hope the new one is good, too....

Blogger enjoys "blog band"

This Voxtrot record is really growing on me. Just curious, how come being a "blog band" is now looked down on? I guess it's the ironic self-loathing practiced by a lot of the media. "If I show too much enthusiasm for _____, it will make me seem uncool. So, I'll hype it today and trash it tomorrow". I don't get it.

Damn me

I'm pretty sure I've broken every damn one of these.

Whoooooo! Whooooooooo!

Now I know why they let Chekov do the driving.

Up with Grups

Great article from New York magazine. Are you a yupster, yindie or grup? (I like grup, because it is a cheesy Star Trek reference.) A couple good quotes:

"They are a generation or two of affluent, urban adults who are now happily sailing through their thirties and forties, and even fifties, clad in beat-up sneakers and cashmere hoodies, content that they can enjoy all the good parts of being a grown-up (a real paycheck, a family, the warm touch of cashmere) with none of the bad parts (Dockers, management seminars, indentured servitude at the local Gymboree). It’s about a brave new world whose citizens are radically rethinking what it means to be a grown-up and whether being a grown-up still requires, you know, actually growing up."

"'If I still have the clothes from the first time around, does that mean I get to wear them again?' In other words, if you’re 35 and wearing the same Converse All-Stars to work that you wore to junior high, are you an old guy sadly aping the Strokes? Or are the young guys simply copying you? Wait, how old are the Strokes, anyway?"

universal humiliation

Stumbled across this today.



Thanks, Words & Pictures

Entire college too high to stay open.

Good old hippie haven Antioch University is closing it's doors for a few years. Caught up in a perverse black hole of uber-liberal PCness in the last few decades, Antioch semed to have lost the "anything goes" charm and support of free thought that built it's reputation.

When the Graffiti Table was in college in nearby Dayton, we often made field trips to the bucolic Yellow Springs campus. It was like driving through a time portal to the late 60's. Yellow Springs is also (oddly) the home of Dave Chappelle and the world's best restaurant when you're stoned to the beejezus belt at 3am, Youngs, the Dairy with Cows.

Somehow I find this chilling...

“You don’t want to be playing your guitar, feeling like you’re 20 all over again, then look in a mirror and see some paunchy balding guy”. Uh, yeah... The NY Times explores the Dad Band fad...

Minister of injustice

I really hope this douchebag either goes to jail or gets sued back to the Stone Age. I want him to be one of those guys who are so fucked, they have to go around wearing a barrel.

UPDATE: Douchebag found guilty, resigns.

UPDATE: Time for a barrel-fitting....?

My fave new(ish) video

Good old Jarvis Cocker, formerly of Pulp, in a hilarious video.

Portland bragging post #443

As an avid bike commuter, it was cool to see that PDX was the #1 city for bike commuting.

Thanks, Willamette Reek.

Caution: May Cause Nightmares

This is one freaky cool video.



Thanks, Dooce

The Big Apple

Cool new iPhone ad, targeted at NYC.

Thanks, Dave.

Love that shuffle

Sometimes my LastFm playlist is so beautifully random I feel I must share....

More doctors agree

Jingles don't work

A lot of ad folk say that. But they're wrong.



Sure, it's hokey as hell - people knew that 35 years ago. Powerful nonetheless.

Thanks, Words and Pictures

Can't stay away from it

Thanks, Cagle Cartoons

Stop being idiots

I'm flummoxed. Pole-axed. Pissed off.

How many times must people forward a piece-of-crap email that is meant to worry people. Today, for about the eleventy-millionth time, I received the infamous, "Your cell phone number is about to be released to telemarketers" email.

Okay, folks, for the last time. IT IS NOT. Get it? For the love of God, do a little research before you forward some mass email. YOU'RE ALREADY AT YOUR F'N COMPUTER. IT'S CALLED GOOGLE. TRY IT.

In all fairness, the friend that sent it to me was skeptical. But the 40 people before him on that email weren't. They just sent it. A lot.

'tards.

That is all.

Joe Mathlete Explains Today's Marmaduke

This site is often worth a stop. It may be a one-trick pony, but it works for me. I can only assume that the same is being done somewhere for Family Circus, Garfield and Ziggy.



Marmaduke is riding a skateboard. While this in and of itself is absolutely HYSTERICAL (dogs aren't supposed to be able to ride skateboards!), the gag is kicked into overdrive when it is revealed (via his owner-boy's exposition to his fellow tricycle enthusiast) that not only is Marmaduke a dog who can ride a skateboard, he is a dog that is phenomenally skilled at riding a skateboard. You could cut the comedic absurdity with a knife.

Inside the Smiths

Mike and Andy tell their side of the story. It's a bit odd, like having George and Ringo tell the Beatles story without John and Paul's involvement.

Of course, one of the oddest developments in this story in recent years is Johnny Marr moving to Portland and joining Modest Mouse. Who'da thunk?

Thanks, Pitchfork.

Local boys make good

Portland band Blitzen Trapper made it into Pitchfork's Best New Music category. The above photo was taken by Graffiti Table's buddy Smart Guy.

One more reason for me to despise talentless douchebag Adam Sandler

Donating big money to Mr. Evil....

Not Coming Soon

20 Movies Not Coming Soon to a Theater Near You...

Thanks, Pop Candy.

Critical Ass

All about gettin' nekkid in Portland. Speaking of nekkid, we just made it through Fleet Week.

Thanks, Willlamette Weak

Gary England: Weatherman or Savior?

Is it just me, or is this spot for a local weatherman maybe just an eeensy weeensy bit over the top?



Thanks, Cracked

Put this in the "you couldn't make up this kind of shit" file.

Two jailed after bridge built by blind man collapses

And it even comes with the perfect quote:

"Xinhua did not explain how the contractor was able to run the project considering his inability to see."

Let's rock it at the "Q"

I'm not sure what is more amazing - this etch-a-sketch artist or the fact that a rap song was written about the Cavs. Sure, we're down two games, but we've been here before and this is the FINALS.

We love Lily

I've been digging this album for a year* and was recently able to turn Crustodio on to it. I love this song and video. Why can't all pop singers be this smart, clever and funny?



*It came out in the UK last summer and I was tipped off by the brilliant Mojo magazine. I was able to aquire a copy before it came out in the States....

Other radio stations make me feel uncomfortable

Great promo for WHIT Power 102 FM

Thanks, BoingBoing

Don't Stop Believin'

Great story on how first-class cheese merchants Journey landed a song in the penultimate Sopranos moment.

Most people know of my uncontrollable urge for substituting sophomoric doggerel for famous song lyrics. Back in the day, I automatically used to sing "Don't stop... dry-heaving" to the tune of this song. And to believe I actually got laid back then...

The Gay Bomb

At first I thought this was referring to Robin Williams in The Birdcage 2, but apparently the Pentagon has been working on a bomb that would turn eneny combatants into sex-crazed man-on-man mutants. As the article says,

"Gay community leaders in California said Friday that they found the notion of a "gay bomb" both offensive and almost laughable at the same time."

Exactly!

Boogie Nights - Star Wars Edition

Thanks, Mr. Crunchy

It's business time

Speaking of HBO - I'll be watching this for sure.

Big Jon's Car Lot

Wow. Every used car dealer needs to watch this. Sure, it sucks. But it sucks good.



Thanks, Make the logo bigger

I needed closure, Tony

That was the final episode? Really?

David Chase, you owe me.

Signed,
Underwhelmed in the Northwest

2012

My co-worker Peter passed on the new and very controversial 2012 Olympics logo and pro and con articles.

What about the 2112 logo? Now, that would be controversial....

Can't Stands Ya

This has been floating around for a long time, but I thought it beared another viewing. Pre-Seinfeld Jason Alexander hawking the McD.L.T.

Cereal killers

In reference to Pete Best eating 5 bowls of Cap'n Crunch cereal in Seattle last weekend (sweetened cereal being a rarity in his home cupboards), here is a story about the recently deceased woman who came up with it's distinctive taste. This tidbit made me giggle:

In one episode of "Friends," a ruminative Joey asks Chandler, "You ever realize Cap'n Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?"

Thanks, Boing Boing.

I also remember eating Quisp and Quake as a child. Their commercials were made by Jay Ward of Bullwinkle fame. This may be one of the earliest instances of the marketing ploy where a company creates a feud between 2 of it's own products, a la the tiresome "tastes great/less filling" ads. Though this is more Crustodio's bailiwick. Maybe he could elaborate. Anyhoo, here's the clip:



For further such reminiscing, check this out.

One liners

Stumbled across this entry for Henny Youngman. I remember first seeing him on Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In when I was just a kid. The one-liners should live forever. Here are a few favorites from this list.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge say,s "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."

A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, "How do you like it up here?" The priest says, "If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini?" "Yes." "Rosary, get the bishop a martini!"


A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, "Here's your husband!" The man's wife says, "Where's his wheelchair?"

A new show about our pal Fleshy?

No, this about a different John From Cincinnati. I loved Deadwood (well, first season anyway), so I'll definitely check out David Milch's new show. Fans of Deadwood may recognize Sheriff Bullock as the villian in the new Die Hard. Timothy Olyphant plays a great bad guy, especially in one of my favorite movies Go. Go was written off as one of the many Pulp Fiction knock-offs, but it's a really fun and funny movie.

Watch lost in WWI returned to grandsons

Sorry, using that image was too easy. Cool story, though.

Marketing to deadbeats

Amp'd Mobile goes bankrupt. It appears that their funky ads attracted a shitload of people that aren't that into paying their bills.

Thanks, AdPulp.

Passed around like a joint

This has been passed around ad agencies across the country for the last week or two.



I received it from my boss and the next thing you know the entire agency was heard laughing their collective asses off.

Headline of the day

How much giggling went on in the newsroom when they whipped out this one?

UPDATE: The PI wimped out. The previous headline read, "Man Charged with Shooting Wee WEE"

Shameless self-promotion: Strange Effects at Slabtown tomorrow

The Strange Effects will be playing at Slabtown Saturday night. We're first of four, so will probably go on around 9:30. Come on down if you can stand the smell of rock...

Dead guy sells sneakers and stars in new movie

It's Ian Curtis' year. Too bad he hung himself almost 30 years ago. The former Joy Division singer is cashing in with new sneakers and a movie. You can't really picture him in a pair of Nike running shoes, now can you...?

My interest in Joy Division is not super-high, and I have no time for New Order, so this whole thing strikes me as odd. How did Ian Curtis get running shoes before Stevie Ray Vaughn, John Lennon or Freddie Mercury?

It was quite a ride

This is a doozy. I can't even imagine how terrifying those four miles must have been.

Only 17 months away

I'm thinking it's a wee bit early for me to choose the presidential candidate that will get my vote. But here we are with debates raging already.

These people have been helping citizens choose for quite some time now. Give it a try and maybe you'll learn who you should be supporting.

I had no idea that I was a Kucinich guy. But I swear it's not all about the weed.

Everybody else is doing it, why can't we?

The latest alt rock reunion. Yawn.

This will definitely excite Scout Radio and Smart Guy.

Tidy up

To complete the series, here's an old favorite.

While we're on the subject

I've been fond of this "banned" commercial for a while.

Hey Jude-dog

2 great Beatles videos...

Hey Jude:



and Hey Bulldog:



Thanks to the Sizzler.

I am not a prude

But I can say I was surprised to see this ad on TV last night. Not offended, just surprised. In a world where everyone seems to know the names of porn stars, I probably shouldn't be.

My only question? How much does that bad boy retail for?

We all shine on

This is a few years old, but I thought worth a re-visit. The Shining trailer re-cut. There's a whole slew of these out there. Love the Solsbury Hill moment in this one. Classic...

30 Greatest Hits

We literally use the G4 Cube as a wastebasket at work, but that was one of the only Mac mis-steps. This list is pretty impressive...

Pete Best is in heaven...

I just found the motherlode of 60's/70's sci-fi ship models. This stuff obsessed me as a kid...

The Flying Sub from Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea:



The Chariot from Lost in Space:



The Spindrift from Land of the Giants:



The spaceship from Planet of the Apes:



And, well, the Urban Assault Vehicle from Stripes...

I love this movie

A special DVD edition of Fantastic Voyage is now available. Great fun facts here, if this movie chaged your life at age eight.

My mom had an old brooch that somewhat resembled the Proteus, and I would play with it for hours, imagining the miniturized sub was cruising through my backyard in Ohio*. The guy who thought of puting a little observation bubble at the top - a freakin' genius!

Thanks, Pop Candy.

*I didn't, as a habit, play with jewelry as a child. This wa a one-time thing, I swear.

Are you suffering from Republican Memory Loss?

Thanks, Scout Radio!

Patti Smith covers the Decemberists

Local heroes the Decemberists get covered by the Queen of Punk. And, yeah - nice mullet!

Dracula Antoinette

Some cool artwork on this site. Apologies to a certain "M" and his Dunst obsession.

Medieval Help Desk

When you think of great sketch comedy, you think of the Dutch. And maybe the Finnish. Oh, and, of course, the Swedes. Hell, even the Danes are known for producing a giggle. But the Norwegians?? Well, believe it or not, this sketch is hella funny. Thanks to Mrs. Best for the tip...

Goats to the rescue!

Finally, a solution to the overwhelming crush of Kudzu. Sure, it's a solution that requires "guard donkeys", but let's give it a chance.

What is kudzu? You know, that weird stuff on that R.E.M. album cover...? This stuff has grown everywhere in the South - it's pretty creepy.