Beyond the pale

In 10 days the Graffiti Table will be flying to Mexico. In a show of mad generosity, the Crustodios have invited the Bests to share their digs in Sayulita. But don't fret, constant reader, there is internet access in our heavily fortified compound - so hopefully, we will still be posting to some extent. But don't expect sobriety.

In preparation for the big trip, Mrs Best and I plopped down some serious money for some pre-emptive tanning. There are parts of my body, particularly the underside of my arms that are so beyond white, that there actually may need to be a new word created to describe it's utter paleness. Much like the Eskimos having 30 different words for snow, Portland residents should have 20 different words for my blinding blue-whiteness.

So in hopes of not frightening the natives and not getting fiercely sunburned on day 1 of our trip, we are hitting the tanning beds. If we can get a decent base tan going, there is the possibility of actually getting some good color and not burning and peeling and burning again.

I feel odd going to the tanning salon, like there is something wrong with me. I don't want to be associated with the kind of people who pay to be tan. It's right up there with paying for $500 jeans or getting botox. I actually look both ways before entering the building - ridiculous, really. Who do I think is going to catch me?

As we left the tanning place yesterday, I remarked to Mrs Best that it was very odd that we were paying good money to alter our appearance, yet we were both appalled at how awful everyone who worked there looked! I've interacted with 3 people there and they all had horrible fake-looking orange tans - these people look like freaks. And we're paying money to use machines that will turn you into that! Well, hopefully the 9 tanning sessions in my package won't make me look like a Los Angeles real estate agent.

I guess that's the danger of working at a tanning salon - free tans. I wonder how the long-term cancer rates of Tan Rio stack up to those of the former residents of Chernobyl.