Newschannel Eight

In a very weird and meta moment, I caught a local Portland news station reporting on an earlier story of theirs which has now become an internet phenomenom - the "I Like Turtles" kid. Considering the spot was filmed at the Rose Festival, the kid was probably brain damaged from all the meth his mom was smoking while pregnant. Anyway, I guess this has become a true viral clip, with lots of remixes and tributes. I'd link to them, but I don't care that much. Here's the original, which is pretty funny:


The news station above actually contributed to the death of a relationship about 12 years ago. I was dating a nice woman named Rebecca. We were over at her house and we were about to watch an episode of Seinfeld. As a side note, I have never been able to remember what any of the local stations are here, and even in New Orleans where I lived before Portland. I still remember exactly what they were in Cleveland: ABC was Ch 5, NBC was Ch 3 and CBS was Ch 8.

Anyway, I asked what channel Seinfeld was on, and she replied that it was on "Newschannel Eight". I was sort of taken aback at her wholehearted swallowing of their marketing campaign, and I said, "You mean channel Eight?

She said, "No, it's Newschannel Eight."

I somewhat heatedly replied, "It's not Newschannel Eight, it's just channel Eight - they just call it that!"

"No, I'm pretty sure it's Newschannel Eight.".

Insert sound of my exploding head. For some reason, in a true Seinfeldian moment, this instantly soured me on her. We broke up soon after, I was so horrified. She became the "Newschannel Eight" girl in endless discussions with my friends.

Yes, I know that is a pathetic reason to break up with someone. I've gotten better with my wife - we didn't break up when she continually referred to my old truck as "Scout" instead of "THE Scout", which drove me nuts, for some reason*. So, there is hope for me yet...

P.S. In a further Seinfeldian moment, I ran into Rebecca a few years later and she looked absolutely stunning. We chatted a bit about her successful new business. I was trying to apply a little flirtation to the situation, but she gave me a look like, "don't even try it, loser". Correctly identified as a loser, I wished her well and walked away, trying not to trip as I kept kicking myself. Yes, I could have been dating a pastry chef.

* And in a this-is-why-I-married-her momement, Mrs. Best actually humors me now, by referring to it as "the Scout" whenever it comes up, while not rolling her eyes too wildly.