Mmmmm, who wants some fruit?

Don't ever, ever, ever plant a fruit tree. They suck. Here's today's bountiful harvest of disgusting, bug-eaten, soft and rotten pears from the Best backyard. OK, we are trying to ripen a few, but it's rare to find any that aren't majorly blemished in some way.

Can't wait till the neighbor's walnut tree starts dropping hundreds of mutant, pollution-destroyed, evil walnuts into our driveway later this summer. This year, I have a revenge. Every leaf, broken branch and nasty walnut is going back over the fence. He'll never notice - the tree is crammed in behind his house in a dark corner. Like he gives a shit about his yard, anyway. I've never seen the guy, but I think he employs the same decorator as Jame Gumb. I guess it's possible that deranged serial killers could do good yard work, but I kind of doubt it.