Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I perform a public service

You're welcome, America.

Now buy the t-shirt and make the folks over at vintagevantage.com happy.

Zen and the Art of Dudeliness

Fulfilling the need to post all things relevant to The Dude, here's Jeff Bridges on The Big Lebowski.

Thanks, Pop Candy

Maybe just a couple of extra vacation days instead?

Damn. Pressure your boss for a raise and he just may whack you.

I'm guessing that he didn't match on the 401K either.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Death is a real comedian

You know how celebrities always die in threes, right? This weekend's bloodbath was a typically bizarre mixture:

Innovative NFL coach Bill Walsh.

Swedish filmmaker and Woody Allen's man crush, Ingmar Bergman.

And talk-show host Tom Snyder - one of those guys like Ed Sullivan, who you can't imagine how they ever got in front of a camera, yet are somehow stangely charismatic.

Impressive Skittles Ad

Sure, it's easy to bitch and moan and say that branding ads are easy to make. You don't have to talk about the product benefits, there's no real call-to-action, blah-de-blah-de-blah.

But man. This is excellent.

Celebrities Internet Too

So you've created this little site that hosts cooking videos. And Christopher Walken just decides to film himself baking a chicken and post it.

Talk about an unpaid celebrity endorsement. Jesus. Well done, Mr. Internet Entrepreneur.

Thanks, yesbutnobuyes

Coming up next on KUNT

I would have demanded to keep the call letters. You can't buy that kind of publicity.

Thanks, Obscure Store

Sunday, July 29, 2007

My favorite new band

Every once in a while you're out at a show and you just by chance see a new band or artist you've never heard before. And they are so good, you just can't believe it. You're looking around at other people watching, thinking, "does anyone else know how fucking good they are?" (I hadn't felt this way since seeing Jovie McLemore play solo, before he formed Mothball.) This happened last night at a benefit for AMP (or Artist Mentorship Project) at the new Ace Hotel everyone has been raving about (turntables in the rooms - oh my god, how incredibly hip! Barf). When you marry a social worker, you have to start thinking about all this kind of stuff, benefits, non-profits, volunteerism, etc. Laying on the couch and watching Start Trek dvds is no longer a viable method of effecting social change.

We didn't see much of the hotel, but we caught a set by the Old Believers. 2 kids with guitars, probably about 19 years old, singing simple but unique songs with beautiful harmonies. Think Gillian Welch & David Rawlings, but without the overwrought Dust Bowl fixation. Apparently they just moved here from Alaska. We were beat after a long day of yard work and digging out stumps (and 4 glasses of wine in 20 minutes), so we didn't stay late, but we did pick up a demo cd for 5 bucks.

At first, my mind was racing - thinking about how I could possibly help them. Could I get them any gigs, or record labels, did they need a bass player, or could I introduce them to a producer, etc. But then I realized that all that had to happen, was for them to keep playing out and they would soon be the toast of Portland. After checking them out on MySpace, I realized that they've been doing this for awhile and have everything together that they need. Plus, they are already being helped by Will Kendall and the great folks at AMP:

"The Artist Mentorship Program (AMP) exists to create musical opportunities for youth in a safe and healthy environment. AMP strives to build musical skills so that youth can express themselves and obtain their goals in the arts. Youth who participate in AMP interact with and are given instruction from working, professional artists from the Portland community.

AMP is a drug/alcohol and weapon free program staffed by volunteers and available for homeless and at-risk youth ages 16 to 24."

Will is a great guy, and an old friend of colleague of Mrs. Best, and I've thought about mentoring there. Let's see:

Our mentors are dependable and consistent.

OK, that sounds like me.

They are working musicians with at least 5 years of industry experience.


Our mentors enjoy share their knowledge while teaching artistry and style. 


They are comfortable working with youth.

Uh, ok. Here's the problem. Youth scare me. That's why I could never be a teacher. I know what an evil bastard I was when I was a kid and to have the tables turned might be more than I can handle. Maybe one day I'll get off my ass and help out. I love the idea, but having no experience in working with the kids - well, we'll see. But, you? You should do it now.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Just in case...

...you haven't seen this yet. At work yesterday, in the middle of the day, half a dozen people gathered to watch this Zach Galifianakis/Kanye West video over someone's shoulder. That's a good indicator of something's viralness. It's quite brilliant and also features legendary freakish musician/actor Will Oldham.

Oh, and if you have't seen Zach's Fiona Apple video, check it here....

Katy Schoenstein

As a youngster, I was in love with Katy Schoenstein. I'm quite sure I wasn't the only one. The mature yet accepting way she put up with the boys made her a woman among girls.

But, I have to admit, it was a kid crush. I was far too young to comprehend "love" and all the responsibilities that come with it.

Then I fell for Marion Ravenwood. Strong as a man. Could drink a barbarian under the table. Looked damn good in a silk nightie. Again, I'm sure I was one of many. Now that was real, grown-up, deep feeling. But short-lived. We both moved on.

Now I find out I have a chance to see Marion again. How will we feel? I can't say. But there's a warm funny feeling about it that I'd rather not talk about.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Worst crimefighter ever.


I just watched a guy rip off a liquor store and I just stood there in a daze. What happened? Well... I walked in and went to the back of the line, about 4 people long. I saw this guy, out of site of the clerk, jump over the counter where the liquor was and back into the main area. My first thought was he worked there, but then as he passed me he whispered "please don't say anything". I though, "huh, that's weird". Then he hurridly walked out the door and down the street.

Then Mr. Quick-witted Crimefighter said to himself, "I don't think he works here - in fact, I think he stole something!" When I got to the front of the line, I told the clerk, "hey, I think someone just ripped you off". She went over to look nd reported a large bottle of Hennessy was missing. So, Hennessy drinkers around the world, whether you know it or not, I got your back.

Come see our show last night!

Not sure why this is post-worthy, but... I forgot to mention that the Strange Effects were rocking it out last night at the Tonic Lounge. The Sizzler made it out to the show, but otherwise it was kind of dead. Sort of a dumpy place, in a not very cool neighborhood - but, they have a great sound system and soundman and it's run really well. And it turns out that I know the booking guy. He's semi-famous in our group of friends from when he used to wait tables at the Twilight Cafe.

A very funny and quirky guy, he also wore a Tobacco Town tshirt - without fail every single time we went there for breakfast. Which was quite a lot, in the bachelor days. So, he joined a pantheon of characters that we referred to by unique nicknames. There was Tobacco Town and Fuck Dude (a hippie chick who started practically every sentence with the phrase "Fuck, dude...") and I Can't Believe It's Not Dave and many others I can't remember. Then, a few years later when I was taking some multimedia classes, I sat next to Tobacco Town (who is really named Dave). So, Portland reveals itself as a small world once again.

But mostly, I wanted to show off the flyer I made....

All Tapped Out

Guess what? Pepsi and Coke has some news for you. You know that over-priced bottled water you buy? It comes straight from the tap. Another highly ethical move from Big Business. Way to go!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Another Journalistic Flagship Shuffles Its Mortal Coil

Goodbye, Batboy. Farewell, Ed Anger.

The Weekly World News is about to fold.


Willamette Week's recent Best of Portland came out a few days ago. One of the entries in the Reader's Poll caught my eye:

Least Despicable Neighborhood Neologism

Although a startling number of you didn't get that the question was written in jest, the top five were: NoPo (North Portland), TweBu (28th Avenue and Burnside Street), FoPo (Foster-Powell), LoBu (Lower East Burnside Street), and the very popular write-in candidate, "THESE ARE ALL STUPID MAKE THEM STOP." ?Other notable write-ins: "WeMo (Westmoreland)"; "The Taint (upper and lower) halfway between Couch and Ash"; "SoWhat? (South Waterfront)" (11 votes); "Shunthorpe"; "PoNoMo (Old NoPo)"; "PlsStop"; "oh god no! No! No! No!"; "NoPoPoPoOhNo"; "NonPo (Milwaukie)"; "NePoGo (NE Port. Golf)"; "LoKi (lower Killingsworth)"; "CloTi (Close-in Tigard, baby)"; "Clivison"; "BePop—Between Popeye's on MLK"

I would like to offer a brand-new nickname for my neighborhood: NoRo. North of Rosa Parks Way. In a somewhat controversial and seemingly random move, Rosa Parks Way is the brand new name of Portland Blvd. Everyone loves Rosa, that's not a problem (except maybe OutKast). But it seemed like the whole thing happened under the radar and very quickly. Did the residents of the street even have a choice in the matter? And who is paying for all the new signage? And wouldn't Rosa's name and meaning make more sense in a part of Portland that was lily-white?

The latest rumor is that Interstate is going to be renamed Cesar E Chavez Blvd. I'm certainly not trying to minimize the importance of those 2 very special social leaders, but it's kinda funny to think about - in a hundred years will those names mean anything? OK, they will, but I know that I don't have any idea who or what Belmont was, or Killingsworth or Alberta or Marshall or any of the other dozens of street names I see every day. Sadly, the only old Portland street names that resonate anymore are Lovejoy, Van Houten, Kearney, Flanders, Quimby, Terwilliger and Evergreen Terrace.

Who the hell am I supposed to believe in now?

What the hell is going on? Okay, we lived through the crazy diaper-wearing astronaut. "Hey," we all figured, "It's got be an isolated incident. Almost all the astronauts are courageous, space-suit-wearing, patriotic-fever-inducing studs."

Now there's sabatoge? And drunk astronauts?

What the fuck, NASA? You're starting to look like the Republican Party. Get your shit together already, will ya?

Listen now and listen good. Get everyone - and I mean everyone. Especially those control room dudes in the short sleeve white shirts, ties and crew-cuts - together in a big auditorium and make them watch this. Seriously. We used to trust and respect you guys.

Bizarre Synchronicity

First, was thrilled to see the trailer for The Darjeeling Limited that Pete mentions below. How funny that you could be watching that trailer from across the room, without sound, and immediately recognize that a new Wes Anderson movie was on the way.

That can only be a good thing.

In other movie-trailer-browsing news, I noticed that not one – but TWO – movies featuring a Jane Austen theme were in the hopper. Becoming Jane looks like a chick-flick of epic proportions set in the past. The Jane Austen Book Club looks like a chick-flick of epic proportions set in present time.

For one, it’s refreshing to see films inspired by literature and not children’s toys from the 1980s. On the other hand, will anyone make it to the theaters for these sure-to-be tear-jerkers? I am skeptical.

Seems as though there might be yet another movie-within-two-movies coming up where highly-agitated women with graduate degrees in English storm Hollywood studios, take them over with bloody coups, and proceed to produce a series of bombs based on classic literature. Moments before the studios are all forced to declare bankruptcy, Vin Diesel 'copters in a team of trained killers to wipe out the intellectuals and put things right with the world.

On a happy side note, the trailer for a French Film film, My Best Friend, features a Ben Kweller song – or a permutation of one, anyway – at the end. Looks like even the French can surprise us from time to time.

Kinksy trailer

The trailer for the new Wes Anderson flick, The Darjeeling Limited, features 2 tracks from the Kinks album Lola Vs Powerman and the Moneygoround. This just struck me - boy, does that album have a bad cover.

I don't know about you guys, but I have loved everything Wes Anderson has done. Part of it may be his impecccable musical taste. The soundtracks of Rushmore, The Royal Tennenbaums and The Life Aquatic (love those Bowie covers) are chock full of great 60's/70's baroque pop moments. Using Ooh La La as the final song in Rushmore is a classic moment. I didn't realize till recently that this Face's song was sung by (current Rolling Stone) Ron Wood.

Anyway, while using old obscure Kinks songs for the trailer is a typical move, it looks like he's breaking new ground in this flick. Great line: "I love you too, but I'm going to mace you in the face." I can't wait....

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Hide Your Harry Potter Shame

Just slip one of these jackets over "the book" and all you closet geeks can enjoy the last installment of the series without shame.

Me? I just read it public, loud and proud. Hopefully no one will punch me in the throat.

Thanks, American Copywriter

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Words cannot convey...

...what you are about to see.

Watch this video now.

Yep, you've been Rickrolled.

PR taken to the limit. And I am in awe.

It's old news, but great news. Giant Homer Simpson prompts pagan backlash

Monday, July 23, 2007

Billed beneath a puppet show again!

Somehow Spinal Tap did not top this list of the Top Ten Bands That Never Existed, but came in second after Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem.

You're in a tight spot

Your company has screwed you over. Your life savings could hang in the balance. You need the best legal help money can buy. So why not hire this guy?

Thanks, Chimp Media Monitoring

Sunday, July 22, 2007

It was the summer of '80

John Lennon was still alive, Xanadu was at the box office, and Pete Best and Crustodio first met while slinging burgers at Ala Burger (now the All-American Grill) at Geauga Lake Park in Aurora Ohio.

Note to those prone to nostalgia out there: you definitely cannot go home again.

Friday, July 20, 2007


A client wants a redesign of their site. Their new buzzword is Diversity. That's what you do when everyone in the world associates your product with 55+ year old white men. So, this is the photo on their home page:

Do you think people know when they're in a picture for diversity's sake?

"Yeah, I'm here becasue they need diversity"

That would annoy me - if I were diverse.

Crustodio, what's it like to be diverse? I got the whole "first generation", "immigrant" thing going on, but you got me trumped with the diversity thing, bastard.

For example, you got all your Filipino brothers dancing to Radio Ga Ga. And they don't even care that they're in prison! You win again.

Happy Byrdsday

So, the Strange Effects are playing a Byrds tribute show tonight at the Mt. Tabor Legacy, it's a benefit for the School of Rock. We'll be doing My Back Pages and Have You Seen Her Face off the classic Younger Than Yesterday album. We were trying to do a Gene Clark tune, but could never get around to agreeing on one. That's ok, a Dylan cover and one of Chris Hilman's earliest contributions will work just fine.

I LOVE the Byrds, what a great band. A very interesting story with all the different personalities, and their comings and goings. They were like the first supergroup, but only in retrospect. Any band that had Gene Clark (nice mic placement!), David Crosby (nice cape!), Roger McGuinn (nice shades!), Chris Hillman (nice hair!), Clarence White (RIP) and Gram Parsons (no really, RIP) in the band at one time or another?? Oh, baby, that's good stuff. Here's a vintage clip to get you started:

I may need to fly to L.A....

Cheap Trick to recreate the Beatles' 'Sgt. Pepper' album in historic concert*. Another clear case of Pete Porn™, this confluence of 2 of my favorite bands may leave me overstimulated for days. Much like this Beatles/Monkes mash-up from a few years ago....

And here's a classic Cheap Trick track from 1979:

* Though to be fair, if I were Cheap Trick I wouldn't be bragging about that Magical Mystery Tour cover, it's pretty shitty.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Happy birthday, big sister....

Yes, I'm wearing lederhosen. Hey, man, it was the 60's. We are all free with our clothes, we were one with the sky...

Everything should taste like bacon

Love bacon? Even flip-floppin' vegetarians like me will love this.

Thanks, Sizzler.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Acres of yard

I had forgotten. You could fit about 20 average Seattle yards into a lot of these Ohio yards. It's crazy. My sister-in-law's front yard could fit two full football fields.

That is a shitload of mowing.

Battle of the Titans

Washed-up comedians beat each other up over the Phil Hartman hex

Thanks, Pop Candy.

I want schoolkids at Hogwarts screaming your name

Surreal moment as Daniel Radcliffe mets the boys and girl of Art Brut. Thanks, Pitchfork. I stole the title from you, too. It's ok, right? I'm still a little weak from yesterday....

I'm still trying to figure out how any of us are going to be able to read the last book of the series without getting spoiled, i.e., finding our which "major characters" get killed. With all the pranskters and just plain dicks on the web, people are already doing their best to give it away. I'm no huge Harry Potter fan, but I have finally read all the books and would like to read this one without knowing the climactic ending beforehand. I may have to actually buy one, rather than rely on the library or steal from my nieces and nephews.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

No posts today...

Woke up with a migraine. Ugh.....

Monday, July 16, 2007

Legends of the Superheroes

People scoff when critics say we are living in another "golden age" of television. I don't know if that's entirely true, but there's really nothing on anymore like the absolute crap we had to watch as kids.
Thanks, Onion AV.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Round on the ends and high in the middle

Man, I am getting seriously out-blogged by Mr. Best. Reason being, I'll be on vacation next week and the folks at work really wanted their money's worth out of me before I left.

As Chrissy would say, I'm going back to Ohio. Not exactly what I think of as a vacation, but it'll be nice to see my family, the in-laws, and hopefully some old friends.

There will definitely be some golf, an amusement park or two, and copious amounts of beer.

Maybe you'll hear from me. Maybe not.

Thanks to Natalie Dee for the kick-ass image.

Lips tix

Very excited - just picked up tickets for the Flaming Lips September 19th show in Portland. This will be at the Roseland, a (somewhat shitty) mid-size venue - so it should be an awesome and somewhat intimate show. Will there be room for Wayne to walk around on the crowd is his giant plastic ball? Dear God, I hope so....

Here's the trailer for their upcoming concert film, UFO's at the Zoo:

Stars or Scrubs?

Just found this video to one of my favorite songs of last year, "Your Ex-Lover is Dead" by Stars . It's such a perfect first song. The video is very cool and somehow Canadian, which is fitting since these cats are from Toronto. Just one question - where is the drummer's head??

OK, one more thought. How can a relatively new band have such an obvious word as their band name? With the thousands and thousands of band in the last 40 years, nobody thought of calling themselves "the Stars" before?? That is hard to believe. It's weird to me.

For example, I came up with the greatest obscure band name of all time (I thought) and was trying to convince my current band to use it: "The Wormwood Scrubs".

What the fuck is that, you may ask? Well, it's the name of an old and horrible prison in London. It's namechecked in the best Jam song of all time ("Down in the Tube Station at Midnight"). "Wormwood" happens to be the main ingredient of the banned liquor, or spirit, Absinthe.

"Scrubs" works well, too - a sort of self-effacing reference to a group of people that maybe aren't up to snuff. (NOT a reference to the really awful TV show, though if someone on that show were to make a movie with the line of dialogue "The Scrubs will change your life" - that could be okay.).

And then your fans could refer to you with a cheeky nickname, much like we call The Replacements, "The 'Mats" (it's short for placemats, which isn't the same as replacements, but oh well). "Hey, are you going to see the Scrubs?" "Yeah, I love the Scrubbies". Ok, obviously I have a very rich inner fantasy life, but this seemed like a valid plan.

So, I did a last-minute Google on the name, expecting absolutely nothing to come up - and I find that there's a fucking band with that name already!! What the fuck, how can this be?? That's MY name! Man, I hate these guys (even though they are probably fine and nice and obviously share my sensibilities.)

Friday, July 13, 2007

Hair gods of the '80s

Hey, I've committed my 80's crimes. Oh yeah, no doubt about it. There were a few Miami Vice style linen jackets (cuffs rolled up, of course). Some camo pants. I unapologetically blasted "Beat It" at top volume in my dorm room ("Dude, that's Eddie Van Halen playing the solo!"). A few too many new wave shirts purchased at Chess KIng*. A bit of a mullet, ok fine. Then there were the pink Converse that led to a good old fashioned throat-socking, as Mr. Janes can attest. I admit all that stuff.

So, I can proudly hold my head high when I say there were things I did not do. No parachute pants for Mr. Best. Nope. Never bought a Madonna record. And, more importantly, I never liked metal. Ever. And I particularly hated the hair metal guys. Thanks, Kurt for killing metal. You're my hero.

So I particurlarly enjoyed this article about the biggest Hair Metal bozos. Thanks, Pop Candy.

* What is Chess KIng you ask?

"The store was a specialty clothing outlet that sold men's and women's lines of "faux-upscale" 80's designer wear. More specifically, the cheesiest, sleaziest, ugliest and most eye-searing 80's clothes you could possibly find. Velcro closures? Check. Mesh designs? Check. Excessive use of leather? Check. Odd-colored thick v-neck sweater vests? Check. Just think of any tacky 80's trend, and then spin it as "upscale." That's Chess King."

I never noticed the "upscale" part. Maybe that didn't translate to the Dayon, Ohio franchise....

I've found my birthday present, if anyone cares...

Ok, it's few months early, but I gotta have one of these. The dude abides....

Chicken Shack

Lisa & Her Kin, one of the best (and most fun) bands I've played with, have just released a new album. Check out a new interview here.

I'm not on it, but got to play on some of these songs when they were hot off the griddle. Some great tunes here. This is real country music, not the mutated Bon Jovi hard rock country that's been on the radio for years, and not the affected college-boy alt country that's about as authentic as a "valueless diamelle"*.

*"Valueless Diamelle" is an actual quote from one of those late night cheap jewelry commercials that used to be on years ago. I love that "valueless" was a synonym for "invaluable". And, hell, who wouldn't want a diamelle? It goes great with your Chevelle.

Record Industry once again proves that they're assholes

Gee, sorry if Prince wanted to give his fans a good deal, you fucking greedy bastards. Get over it, you're finished.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Millennium falls short by 970 years

This is somewhat sad news. One of Portland's greatest records stores is closing one of their locations after 30 years. I worked for Music Millennium for several years in the mid-90's, and while it was an absolutely freaking great record store with lots of cool in-store performances (Ben Kweller pictured above), the upper management were really horrible to their employees.

They paid for shit, knowing that there would be a steady stream of applicants wanting those coveted positions at a cool record store, so didn't care when employees quit after a few months when they got sick of their measly paychecks. I never made more than 12k a year there, and I was a "supervisor". The clerks made even less.Then when we tried to unionize, the management came down hard and used some classic union-busting tactics on us. Pretty shameful.

On the other hand, great store. And I met 2 of my closest friends when I worked there. That was actually my first job in Portland. So, it sucks that a cool store is closing, but they did not deal well with the ever-changing market place. As the Sizzler says, they spent way too much time and effort kissing the uber-evil RIAA's ass. But between skyrocketing rents in the super-trendy NW 23rd area and the public's general lack of interest in paying for music anymore (after being massively ripped off by the record industry for years), they were doomed.

Client note of the day

"Erecting? Client isn’t crazy about this word. They suggested 'constructing' or something of that nature."

I love this business.

iPhone stress test

I knew it couldn't hold up to everyday wear and tear.

Thanks, Why Advertising Sucks

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

A shirt that screams Pete

Better buy 'em quick. They're moving fast.

Thanks, Dooce

Future Hall of Famer to stay in Seattle

Looks like the Mariners finally got their act together. Even though I'm a Tribe fan, this is great news for Seattle. This dude is amazing to watch and one of the best players I've ever seen. Would have been a shame to see him go.


I've never thought of Time as a particularly funny magazine, but they've posted a couple humorous items about Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney. First, there's this story about him strapping a pet carrier to the top of his car on a family vacation. Time does a split graphic of Romney, juxtaposed with the Griswald family from Vacation. Obviously referring to the method in which Granny's corpse is transported in the movie, yet Time makes no reference to this in the story. I guess 95% of Americans have seen the movie by now, so the subtext is clear.

Secondly, they have a list of some of his verbal gaffes. Besides admitting that he enjoyed L. Ron Hubbard's trashy Battlefield Earth sci-fi novel, he makes this unique statement about French marriage:

"In France, for instance, I'm told that marriage is now frequently contracted in seven-year terms where either party may move on when their term is up. How shallow and how different from the Europe of the past."

Turns out that he got that from another sci-fi book, this one by a Mormon author. I'm kinda sensing a pattern here...

Lovely ad

Really great stuff, including casting and costuming.

Thanks, Brand Flakes for Breakfast

Nice Outdoor

I am always impressed by ads that take advantage of location to get their message across. This billboard and its subtle, low-tech approach does the trick for me.

Thanks, American Copywriter

Labontes Law Online

A little self-promotion for my place of work. Labonte's Law is now online, sporting the Bobby's Pitstop Challenge game, downloads, Fan Road Trip stories, news & info and all sorts of stuff.

And yeah, that's Bobby Labonte talking on the site. He was a super nice guy and a pleasure to work with.

CNN gets a spanking

Way to go, Michael Moore. As bombastic and self-promoting as you can be, we need more people like you around.

Huge Judicial mistake

Racist, homophobic juror actually removed from jury, instead of being made foreman*.

"I'm frequently found to be a liar, too. I can't really help it," Ellis added.

"I'm sorry?" Nickerson said.

"I said I'm frequently found to be a liar," Ellis replied.

"So, are you lying to me now?" Nickerson asked.

"Well, I don't know. I might be," was the response.

Careful, Sir - this is how many futuristic computers were made to self-destruct on Star Trek.

* Yes, I'm being sarcastic.

Are you happy now, America?

Remember how you were all up in arms about the tainted imports from China last month? And how you wished that those dang Chinese would be held accountable for their mistakes, like we do it here in the good ole USA? Well, it looks like China's Supreme People's Court heard your yammering.

Now, if we could only apply this same punishment to our faulty bureaucrats. I say, start with Michael D. Brown. "Brownie, you're having a heck of an execution...."

Can I just re-use this fake quote gag from below?

"When I was holding her butocks like this, I decided to just fuck the shit out of New Orleans"

Hypocritical Louisiana douchebag gets busted

"When I was holding her butocks like this, I decided to seek forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling."

More fun right-wing Christian shenanigans here.

Monday, July 09, 2007

No no no no no no no no no no no no no NO!

I see no need for this to happen. None.

100 Days That Changed Music

Here they are, according to Blender

I'll admit to being a little weak in hip-hop knowledge, so I can't speak to that with any authority. But I'll be damned if anything involving Britney Spears should make the top 25.

Quiet Structures

An interesting post on the new CNN.com re-design in comparison to the USAToday overhaul.

Freudian Posts

Looks like the citizens of Keizer, Oregon can't get dick off their minds.

Thanks, Obscure Store

Army of Bass Players....

Spinal Tap rock Live Earth...

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Just what Akron needed...

Hometown hero Chrissie Hynde* opens a vegetarian restaurant.

In other news, Ohio gets it's first vegetarian restaurant!

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, I'll be here all week.

*Scroll way down Chrissie's Wiki page and check out this nugget:

Once drunkenly groped Kim Deal (Pixies/Breeders) after mistaking her for a man. WTF???

Newschannel Eight

In a very weird and meta moment, I caught a local Portland news station reporting on an earlier story of theirs which has now become an internet phenomenom - the "I Like Turtles" kid. Considering the spot was filmed at the Rose Festival, the kid was probably brain damaged from all the meth his mom was smoking while pregnant. Anyway, I guess this has become a true viral clip, with lots of remixes and tributes. I'd link to them, but I don't care that much. Here's the original, which is pretty funny:

The news station above actually contributed to the death of a relationship about 12 years ago. I was dating a nice woman named Rebecca. We were over at her house and we were about to watch an episode of Seinfeld. As a side note, I have never been able to remember what any of the local stations are here, and even in New Orleans where I lived before Portland. I still remember exactly what they were in Cleveland: ABC was Ch 5, NBC was Ch 3 and CBS was Ch 8.

Anyway, I asked what channel Seinfeld was on, and she replied that it was on "Newschannel Eight". I was sort of taken aback at her wholehearted swallowing of their marketing campaign, and I said, "You mean channel Eight?

She said, "No, it's Newschannel Eight."

I somewhat heatedly replied, "It's not Newschannel Eight, it's just channel Eight - they just call it that!"

"No, I'm pretty sure it's Newschannel Eight.".

Insert sound of my exploding head. For some reason, in a true Seinfeldian moment, this instantly soured me on her. We broke up soon after, I was so horrified. She became the "Newschannel Eight" girl in endless discussions with my friends.

Yes, I know that is a pathetic reason to break up with someone. I've gotten better with my wife - we didn't break up when she continually referred to my old truck as "Scout" instead of "THE Scout", which drove me nuts, for some reason*. So, there is hope for me yet...

P.S. In a further Seinfeldian moment, I ran into Rebecca a few years later and she looked absolutely stunning. We chatted a bit about her successful new business. I was trying to apply a little flirtation to the situation, but she gave me a look like, "don't even try it, loser". Correctly identified as a loser, I wished her well and walked away, trying not to trip as I kept kicking myself. Yes, I could have been dating a pastry chef.

* And in a this-is-why-I-married-her momement, Mrs. Best actually humors me now, by referring to it as "the Scout" whenever it comes up, while not rolling her eyes too wildly.

Thursday, July 05, 2007


Fascinating video by this amazing guy.

"An unsolicited, then approved, music video for the band Grandaddy and their song of the same name off of the album The Sophtware Slump...Programmed in Applesoft II on a 1979 Apple ][+ with 48K of RAM. Seriously."

Jed's Other Poem
(Beautiful Ground)

Thanks, Stee

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Saving the Earth - at 100 mph

Al Gore’s son arrested on drug charges

Former Vice President Al Gore’s son, Albert Gore III, was arrested early Wednesday morning in Orange County, California on suspicion of possessing marijuana and prescription drugs, the Orange County Sheriff’s Department told CNN.

Gore, 24, was allegedly driving a Toyota Prius at 100 mph on the San Diego Freeway at 2:15 a.m. when a police officer pulled him over...

Nice work, Al #3. We liberals really needed to look more like hypocrites. Way to go! More.

This guy to kick ass in Seattle tonight

This is Mike. He plays guitar in the Strange Effects. He is going to rock the shit out of Seattle tonight. Citizens beware....

Thanks to Martin Thiel Photography for the photo shoot.

10,000 Morganiacs

Old Pete Best acquaintance and 20 Questioned cast member Morgan Grace makes good with a $10,000 American Idol Underground win and other cool stuff. Currently in negotiations to have Ms. Grace lend her internets knowledge to the little dot com I call work.

Thanks, Local Cut.

National movement to blow shit up - ONE DAY ONLY!

Be careful with those fireworks, kids...

Thanks, Blogtown, PDX.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

your face, our balls

I'm looking forward to when this site is completed. According to a minor study (in other words, just my opinion), 99.7% of office workers - and 100% of businesses - would benefit from a more play-friendly atmosphere.

Thanks, Mr. Crunchy

Screw hungry people, we've got a live shoot here.

The folks at Hungrr.com seem to have a worthy mission - Hurricane Katrina relief. God knows most of the world has moved on, yet the homelessness, hunger and poverty continues. Right now they're auctioning off an iPhone to support a Louisiana food bank.

Leave it to the Fox News people to get him thrown off the street while they were getting their iPhone frenzy story. The NYC cops weren't exactly supportive either.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Two great tastes

Styx and The Office. Two great tastes that, amazingly, taste great together.

Domo Arigato, Pop Candy

Perfect Synergy

In case you didn't know it already, 7-Eleven is transforming a few of their stores into Kwik-E-Marts to help drive interest in the release of the Simpson's Movie.

Smart stuff, I say. And impressive that 7-Eleven not only didn't balk at the idea, but totally embraced it.


Caution Message for Vegans: Do not let this video haunt your dreams.

Thanks, copyranter

You yellow bastard

Or how would I look as a Simpsons character? Check out their new Create an Avatar feature. It's pretty sweet.

Just a question

How busy are y'all out there this week? Of the 3-4 readers we have, counting me and Mr. Best, have things slowed down this holiday week?

This is the busiest little Monday I've had in a while. I suspect our clients are handing off all the work they can before they take off for an extra-long weekend. Can't blame 'em. I've been on the client side, and work rolls downhill.

Your thoughts?