Friday, July 13, 2007

Hair gods of the '80s

Hey, I've committed my 80's crimes. Oh yeah, no doubt about it. There were a few Miami Vice style linen jackets (cuffs rolled up, of course). Some camo pants. I unapologetically blasted "Beat It" at top volume in my dorm room ("Dude, that's Eddie Van Halen playing the solo!"). A few too many new wave shirts purchased at Chess KIng*. A bit of a mullet, ok fine. Then there were the pink Converse that led to a good old fashioned throat-socking, as Mr. Janes can attest. I admit all that stuff.

So, I can proudly hold my head high when I say there were things I did not do. No parachute pants for Mr. Best. Nope. Never bought a Madonna record. And, more importantly, I never liked metal. Ever. And I particularly hated the hair metal guys. Thanks, Kurt for killing metal. You're my hero.

So I particurlarly enjoyed this article about the biggest Hair Metal bozos. Thanks, Pop Candy.

* What is Chess KIng you ask?

"The store was a specialty clothing outlet that sold men's and women's lines of "faux-upscale" 80's designer wear. More specifically, the cheesiest, sleaziest, ugliest and most eye-searing 80's clothes you could possibly find. Velcro closures? Check. Mesh designs? Check. Excessive use of leather? Check. Odd-colored thick v-neck sweater vests? Check. Just think of any tacky 80's trend, and then spin it as "upscale." That's Chess King."

I never noticed the "upscale" part. Maybe that didn't translate to the Dayon, Ohio franchise....


Joe Janes said...

I owned a pair of parachute pants. A very slimming black. Never got punched in the throat for it, though.

Pete Best said...

Don't forget Tim "led by the cock into a major purchase" Kelly. He came back from Chess King with a hideous part of pants the cute sales girl talked him into. They were kind of like black jeans, but with red pinstripes - I don't think he wore them once.

Crustodio said...

Pete and I once bought then traded two hideous shirts from Chess King. He gladly put my awful peachy-red shirt with diagonal buttons into his collection, while I wore his very-freddy-mercury, black-and-white stretchy muscle shirt.

I should have been punched.

TheSizzler said...

A foofy burgandy silk shirt from Chess King got me laid in the 10th grade - FACT.