Dares, facial hair and reviews

It all started with me being lazy. Living in Super Casual Seattle, it’s easy to pass on shaving several days in a row. However, thanks to my half-Filipino blood, I have never been a five-o’clock-shadow guy. What I’m saying here is that after a number of days avoiding the razor, I don’t resemble Grizzly Adams as much as a homeless dude.

So, DAY 5 of not shaving arrives and I resort to the lazy “fix” of shaving just a little around the neck, leaving a short goatee and moustache. Not all bad. In the words of my friend Cory, I “throw down a mean moustache.” According to my son, my goatee and moustache are “Pro”, and that he would “kill for that facial hair.” Keep in mind that he’s 16 and dying for some of his own, but you get the idea.

Fast forward to a week before we leave for Mexico and Cory dares me to leave just the moustache and get a photo of me wearing a sombrero. Harmless enough, so you bet. I’m in.

But wait – there was a catch. I had gotten a little sun in Mexico, so I had to wait to shave after our return. Didn’t want to walk around with a pale patch right under my nose, did I? So wait I did.

Fast forward a couple weeks to me auditioning for my latest show. The director wants to keep the moustache – and could I grow a goatee too? Oh, and don’t cut your hair either if you can get away with that.

Oh fuck, fine. I’m in.

A couple of months later and here I am. So goddamned ready to shave. So f’n ready for a haircut. Seriously, another month and I’ll have a skullet. If that happens, I will have to drink drain opener.

But thankfully, my last day of facial hair is just around the corner, as The American Pilot closes 5/24. It’s been a great run. Very talented people. A few good reviews too.

But holy shit, I can’t wait to be clean-cut me again.

From Cleats to Pleats

My mind races in the morning when I drink too much java. Nonsensical flights of fancy that quickly become tiresome even to myself. Sometimes I just have to snap myself out of it and say out loud, "shut up!". Sometimes I do this in the bathroom, because I find peeing very boring and I do it a dozen times a day, so my mind wanders or races depending on the aforementioned level of coffee, and I'll just catch myself making up silly wordplay and puns in my head, and I just have to stop! Whew.

I also have a problem where I'll take certain song lyrics and change a few words to make them dirty or "funny". The outcome is always so stupid and 7th grade, that I can never repeat them in public, except I will now for you, dear reader. At the same time, these stupid phrases ingrain themselves in my mind. I don't know if it's something I should see a psychiatrist about, but 80% of the time that I go pee I sing, to the tune of the Youngbloods' Get Together, "C'mom people now... shine on my buttchecks.... Everybody get together... etc.". This is wrong, I know. But is it actionable?

I also make horrible sophomoric doggerel out of street names. I lived for 2 years right off of SE Ankeny. And EVERY SINGLE TIME I saw that street sign I said in my head "Wankin' me." Every time.

Driving down I-5 south of Portland there is a sign for Terwilliger. Every time I see it, I think to myself "turd wiggler". There are more, but I'll spare you.

Anyway, today someone jokingly at work suggested we try to naturally work the British slang word "chap" into a conversation. We had a meeting recently where all 10 of us were in the same room on a conference call with a guy from the U.K. He was a very charming guy and he used some classic Britspeak that we are all silently cracking up over, trying not to catch each other eyes, such as "brilliant!" and another time when one of us made an obvious and dull comment, "Well, that would be the sensible thing to do". Well, maybe you had to be there, but we all went around saying Brilliant! for the rest of the week.

So, this morning I was thinking of "chap", which led me to "chaps" and then quickly to "assless chaps". And then I thought The Assless Chaps might make a fine band name, with a cute little double meaning. And then I thought again - shut up!

Then we were talking about leather pants and I remembered that our college buddy Brad wore leather pants back in the day. I believe they were red, a la the Loverboy album cover pictured. We were very young and impressionable and tended to copy each other's wardrobe constantly. We followed Brad down a few blind alleys, including a craze for wearing cleats, even though none of us played sports.

But I really dug those leather pants. I decided I wanted some, too. With no shame at all, I asked my parents to get me some for Christmas. They dutifully bought me a pair of leather pants - WITH PLEATS. Yes, nothing says wild rock & roll rebel like pleated leather pants. Just in case you're driving your motorcycle to a formal event. I think I wore them once and then they went into the closet forever, just like this guy's pants. Much like another college buddy, Tim, he was "led by the cock into a major purchase". That phrase was coined when Tim came home from Chess King with a very tight and extremely ugly pair of black pants with red pinstriping and tales of a very hot and flirtatious sales girl. Ah, youth...

In honor of Stroke's birthday...

I apologize if it seems this blog is turning into something completely different, but how do you pass up what may well be the best headline printed in years?

Drunk Darth Vader escapes jail sentence

I freakin' love the British press sometimes.

Damn troublemakers

Ran across this article in the Portland Business Journal about all the vacancies on SW Third in downtown. So what, you may ask? Well, my office is on Third in the Dekum Bldg, which is mentioned in the second paragraph, and I've certainly noticed all the places staying empty. It seems weird, since there is so much foot traffic there. Well, now we know - it's because of all the "troublemakers".

Anyway, who knows how businesses make these decisions on where to set up shop. I just saw today that a new Greek restaurant is opening around the corner from the Greek Cuisina. I gotta say, that seems fucking retarded.

You know you got it going on...

... when people are making their own commercials for you. Seems to be happening a lot lately, especially on YouTube. This one is for all the Mac geeks out there:

Do Not Be Ashamed

This must be the "LP" version of a shorter commercial - but holy mother of ad men, it's wonderful.

Has the musical made a complete comeback?

Oregon is the center of the political universe today

According to the Oregonian site, anyway.

Sen. Barack Obama is speaking at a Beaverton high-tech workplace this morning, while his main competitor for the Democratic Party's presidential nomination, Sen. Hillary Clinton, will host a health care roundtable discussion at Doernbecher Children's Hospital.

Oregon is the center of the political universe today as the dueling campaigns cross paths in the state. Both candidates made motorcade passes just blocks apart through downtown Portland as they headed for their campaign events, snarling traffic and thrilling passers-by.

Local television covered Obama's speech at Vernier Software and Technology live. While his question-and-answer session drew attention, Clinton waited at Doernbecher to make her appearance -- seemingly waiting for local TV airtime to become available.

Obama's campaign is buoyed by Thursday's pickup of an Oregon superdelegate. Obama won the endorsement of Rep. Peter DeFazio, one of the state's superdelegates.

Holy Crap

If our friend, Stroke, ever read this blog, he'd know I was thinking of him with this post.

This is...wow...I want it. No I don't. It's stupid. Why would I ever own such a thing? I mean really. Seriously. Way over the top. Too much. I swear I'm not that much of a geek. I SWEAR. STOP IT. SHUT UP.



via American Copywriter

Number 5 with a bullet

Kudos to my old bandmate Corrina for racking up #5 in Willamette Week's Best New Band contest with her new project Tu Fawning. I'm planning to round up the other ex-Flowers and catch their show on the 17th at Rotture.

In other band news, my new project Los Estimulantes has already gone through some major changes. Dave decided that he really wasn't ready to be pulled out of retirement, so he bowed out last month.

I called up Rob Scrivner, an old friend and former bandmate in National Anthem to see if he was interested in joining up. At the same time, Ben was talking to his former bandmate Zaben Long about possibly collaborating with us in Los E's or maybe in a different project.

After several discussions, we decided to bring Rob and Zaben aboard, so we are now a 5-piece with 4 songwriters and 3 lead singers. Rob, Zaben, Ben and I will be switching between guitar, keys and bass, while Marty holds down the drum chair. It's all very exciting and something I've wanted to do for a long time: the multi-singer/songwriter band, which I have raved about previously. First practice went well and we ended up drinking wine and chatting till midnight, which was remarkable for me, considering it was a Wednesday.

UPDATE: Last night's practice was even better and again went super late, till almost 11. Normally, I can only handle about 2 hours of rocking out, but we're averaging over 3. Rob had a couple new songs that we really dug into, one of which he had never been able to play successfully with a band, because of the odd time signature. Los E's ripped right into it, much to his delight. I've been reminded how much I like his material - good stuff.

Took a pass at one of mine, but no real sparks were flying. But many good jams in different formations. I didn't realize what a good bass player Ben was. I never think of myself as a lead guitarist, but I was having a lot of fun in that role, for better or worse...

4:00 PST – Spokane Washington - 5/1/08

Sitting here in Spokane International Airport. Sure, we laugh when we see how small it is, but lemme tell ya, it’s a helluva lot more convenient than Sea-Tac or any major destination. Painless drop-off. Zip through security. Two tiny bars that are more than happy to server you a beer. (And give you that extra shot for a buck, if that’s how you like to fly.)

However, they do have something in common with the big boys. They love to charge you for Internet service. $3.95 for 15 minutes! Sure, you can get a whole month for $30, but jeez.

With airlines and airports getting an ass-load of awful press lately, you’d think they could pony up and give their poor, mistreated customers some free Wi-Fi. Whaddya think that’d run for an airport this small? Not a lot.

So I’ll be posting this after I get back. Fucking greedy bastards.

So, it looks like my flight will be departing on time. Thank god. See, I have a confession to make. I’ve broken one of my golden rules: “Never fly on the day of a show.” It’s just too damn scary. And trust me, it’s not like the theater has the budget for understudies. So if the flight is delayed too long – or hits the ground in a fiery blast – the show don’t go on. Cross your fingers, Crustodio. You’re gonna be extra tense for the next hour and a half.

However, it should be noted that I am sticking to one of my other golden rules: Never drink before a show. And I can’t begin to tell you how counter-intuitive it is for me to skip that thirst-quenching part of the ritual. You leave work to fly home = you have a beer or two at the airport. It’s the way of the world, and yet I must decline.

That brew after the show tonight is gonna taste great.

Authors Note: It did

Thank you, Hulu

I've really been getting into Hulu.com lately. They have the motherlode of Irwin Allen sci-fi series from the 60's: Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, Lost in Space, Time Tunnel, and Land of the Giants. All these shows are pretty wretched, but they were manna to my pre-teen mind. (And I've written about before.)


I watched repeats of the first 2 as a kid in the 70's, but I never saw Giants or Time Tunnel until this week. But I knew all about them because I had a stash of magazines from the 60's, mostly MAD and Tiger Beat, of all things. (and some Playboys, but that's another post...) You know, those Tiger Beat mags probably had a lot to do with my Monkees obsession. I read those MAD magazines over and over, and there are dozens of movies where I know every plot twist and character because of reading the movie parodies, but have never actually seen. So, I was familiar with the shows because of this and also from reading the novelizations.

I was so into sci-fi show novelizations. I had so many Star Trek books and Planet of the Apes (the TV series), Space 1999 and even Man From Atlantis. In those pre-video, pre-internet days there was just no way to see this stuff unless it happened to show up on one of the 5 TV stations.

So, it was great to finally see Land of the Giants after 30 some years. And boy, was it bad. And I can't wait to watch more!

I've also been catching up on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia repeats. This clip is from my favorite episode, "Sweet Dee's Dating A Retarded Person".

Photo of the Day

I just saw this walking back from the drug store. There was a big work truck parked on the street by one of the many construction projects on the former busmall. One of the compartment doors was wide open with this lovely message:

PLACE MY CLEAN TOOLS IN PROPER PLACE!! ASSHOLE

Not sure if "Asshole" is the signature or part of the message...

Update on Kids Today

Usually I'm linking to the Willamette Week, but today I noticed that they have seconded my motion that the Lincoln High pranksters get awarded scholarships (see #1 under Winners). Or maybe it was just the most obvious joke.

Where were you while we were getting high?

I'm trying to get Crustodio to go see Oasis with me in Seattle later this summer. The Manchester lads are doing a Canadian tour with one stop in the USA. Not sure what's up with that, but it seems like a good opportunity to catch a band that doesn't tour over here that often. As an added bonus, Ryan Adams is opening the show. I'm a fan of his stuff, too - though the quality of his music is wildly uneven. And of course, you have to take Oasis with a grain of salt. They have a brilliant pop wall of sound and Liam is a great vocalist - I love his Lennon meets Lydon delivery. On the other hand, they're a bunch of arrogant cocksuckers. Their "we're better than the Beatles" schtick got old real fast. And Noel is quite possibly the worst lyricist of the rock era (or the 4th, according to these guys). But, when they rev up that wall of sound and Liam leans into the mic, slurring and straining through a beautiful pop melody they have me hooked. Though no longer that big over here, Oasis have sold more than 50 million albums worldwide, and have had eight UK number one singles.

It's on a Tuesday night, but Marty and I are going to make a kamikaze run up I-5, spend the night and try to make it back to work by lunch. Crustodio - are you in?

Kids today

You know, I didn't have much hope for the younger generation, from the media representation, they just seemed to be self-involved, entitled little creeps. Although time spent with Crustodio's offspring and his buddy in Mexico, proved to be the exact opposite. In any case, this prank is pretty impressive, and gave me a new-found respect for these young 'un's.

Someone sent out a fake letter to parents of Portland's Lincoln High students, encouraging them to serve booze at post-prom parties, and included 2 condoms per letter and asked them to encourage safe sex. Nice. And all done on official stationary. Great work, kids! I wish there was some kind of Smart-ass Scholarship that could be given out to the brains behind this one...

You've been Mick-rolled

Mike Jones takes advantage of a reporter who is either incredibly gullible or hasn't yet figured out what jokes are. This article has the sort of clueless vibe of music writing from the early 60's. Thank God he didn't make a joking "the Clash are more popular than Jesus" reference...

A healthy work environment

No matter how busy we get here. No matter how quickly deadlines loom. One visit from Blue, my coworker's dog, makes it all better.



Named for his blue eyes, Blue is a sweet, lovable dog. He is, in no particular order, a world-class sniffer, licker, napper, chaser, eater, and farter.

Oh lord, those gas explosions. Worth it, though, when you first see that look on a client's face.

How do you like my new logo?

(Turn your head sideways.) Oops.

93%? That's an "A"!

"Around 17.4% of the pages on your website contain cussing. This is 93% MORE than other websites who took this test."


Created by OnePlusYou

Fucking A!

Thanks, American Copywriter

Perspective

After a little cleaning out of the Crustodio archives, I’ve come across some treasures.

Throughout my life, I’ve had a habit of picking up journals. I kid myself that I’ll fill them with all of my deep thoughts, creative ideas I get on-the-fly, poems and other bullshit.

Without fail, the first few pages show a weak attempt at capturing…something. Then the journal gets put away, at best being used for notes during a phone call.

So I grabbed a couple of VERY old journals to take to work. Maybe I’ll use ‘em there?

Instead, I’ve come across a few pages of history. A snippet of time some 20+ years ago when money was tight and bills were low.

Below you’ll find what I found in my journal: the scribbling of poor college boys trying to split the bills for a duplex in Fairborn, Ohio, circa 1985.

PHONE:
Paul: $12.81
Pete: $6.89
Tim: $9.85

Apparently I liked calling home more than they did.

DP&L (Dayton Power and Light)
Aug 22 + Sept 23

(written out long division, working out how to divide 59.57 by 3)

$19.86 each

My last electricity bill almost reached the $700 mark.

City of Fairborn
Sept. 26

(written out long division, working out how to divide 30.1 by 3. Yeah, you read that right. Shut up. We were theater majors.)

$10.04 each

Must have been for water and sewer. That could have been spent on pot instead. I don’t remember.

And we were so poor that our phone ended up being turned off. I will no longer call them “the good old days.”

Who am I kidding? They sure as shit were.

An attempt

Sitting backstage during tech rehearsal for the show. The theater has Wi-Fi, which is fucking awesome.

Can't guarantee anything, but I'll attempt to update during the rest of rehearsals and the run while I wait for entrances.

Let me just say that the set, lights, sound and everything tech-wise has exceeded my expectations. And I was expecting a lot.

Sure, it's a tiny theater. But these guys are good.

Spokangeles

Yeah, I suck. Poor Pete has been carrying all the load again as I work on two big pitches and a slew of projects for work - AND I'm rehearsing a show. My first play in over a year. We open next week.

Thankfully, we're ahead of the game rehearsal-wise, and were able to cancel last night's "play practice", as my snarky friends like to call it.

How did I celebrate my one night off? By flying to Spokane of course! Like I said, two big pitches coming up. And my home office was more than happy to have me here a couple of days to work on it face-to-face with all of my colleagues.

The picture above is a true view of what the park looked like yesterday. Sunny. Beautiful. And only a block or two away from the office.

The picture below is the true perk of coming here. The Davenport is a wonderful hotel. And for some reason I was upgraded to a suite last night. Didn't really need two TVs, the fridge or two couches. But I did feel like a bigwig. At least for one night.

The magic's in the hole...

I've been going to Lucynda at Dirty Little Secret to get my hair cut for around 10 years. A couple of friends go to her as well - at one point, all the State Flowers were going to her. She does a great job and is always fun to chat with. It's amazing what she's done with my hairweave/dreadlocks/combover. She's involved in a new project called Chariots of Rubber, a heavy metal musical that takes place at a demolition derby. In a confluence of uber-coolness, the Chariots gang made a video commercial for Portland's much-beloved Voodoo Doughnut (located in the "crotch" of Portland). It's over the top and pretty awesome. I can't wait to go see the show...

A one-two punch

...and hopefully, a knockout blow. I haven't seen this on any "legitimate" U.S. news sites, but there are rumors that Al Gore and Jimmy Carter will team up to beseech Hillary to step down.

I've lost so much respect for the Clintons, even a first time viewing of The War Room didn't rekindle the flames of love in my heart. Their scorched earth policy is sickening. I really believe that Hillary is so mentally scarred from 15 + years of Republican abuse and character assassination that she is actually insane. Her mind has become twisted from all the hate and vitriol poured on her and Bill. It's very sad, really - the once-great Clintons have been thoroughly ruined by politics...

What if I was an English kitchen designer?

Well, I might look like this guy. Anyone else see the resemblance? (If I lost 30 lbs.?) I think it's kinda freaky, man... Though, I'm happy to not have the name Peacock, if you know what I mean.

The only other time I saw a doppleganger was during a 1985 viewing of Young Sherlock Holmes in a very altered state. Crustodio was there and can attest that I kept mumbling, "man, that guy really looks like me" for the entire 2 hours. Here's a picture and it is a striking resemblance to 1985 Pete:

(Not the chick or fat kid, smart guys)

Speaking of appearances, I lost one of my earrings. I started thinking about how, back in the day, there was this ridiculous theory that if you wore an earring in a certain ear, it meant you were gay. Well, according to the internets, it's right if you're gay and left if you're straight. My right one fell out, so I won't be faced with the test of whether or not I would have switched it to the left one to assert my straightness...

Infidelity

If I didn't know better, I'd say Pete was writing for another blog.

Commuting Computing

Every morning before I leave my sleepy cul-de-sac in the suburbs, I check the traffic to get an idea of what lies ahead for my commute to the city.

Mostly, I use it to avoid stress. Meaning that if I see that traffic sucks, I'm a little more able to handle it emotionally. As Mr. Best would attest, I'm not the most chill of drivers. As much as I've tried to mellow out over the last few years, it's a rare commute when I don't mutter, "I fucking hate people" at least once or twice as I watch the fucktards out there making traffic worse with their lack of attention or sickeningly selfish moves.

The Internet has made it better. Not only can I prepare for an awful commute - I can avoid it entirely. I can work from home! No muss, no fuss. Up top there you'll see a glimpse of this morning's traffic on I-5 north of Seattle. Today I've decided to wait it out, work from home for a while, then cruise on in when the highway looks a little more free of fucktards.

Thank you Internet. My blood pressure is most appreciative.

Enjoy Old Joy

I watched Old Joy on Saturday, and I liked it, but found it very slow-moving. It seems to be a grower, though, since I've been thinking a lot about it since then. It stars Will Oldham of Palace/Bonnie Prince Billy fame, who actually is an accomplished actor, though better known for his recent appearance in a Kanye West video. It was shot in Portland, so it was fun recognizing different neighborhoods and street scenes. Basically a road trip movie, 2 old friends head out to camp and visit Bagby Hot Springs.

Oldham's character is a thoughtful and rootless slacker, while the other guy has a stressful job, a pregnant wife, drives a Volvo and listens to Air America - all very Portlandesque. Their attempt to reconnect is the core of the story. It's all very subtle, but engrossing. Nice review in the Times.

You maniacs! You blew it all up! Oh, damn you! Goddamn you all to hell!

Charlton Heston's death this weekend reminded me of the final scene in Planet of the Apes, which seems very apropos to this post.

I was somewhat relieved to read this article in the Times yesterday about the rise of a new type of Survivalism, which they say "is not just for survivalists anymore."

I've been talking about this with friends for the last 6 months. I got a lot of ribbing and I did feel like I was being paranoid, so I'm glad to see that other seemingly normal progressive types have the same idea.

It just hit me after seeing the aftermath of Katrina in New Orleans. Between Spike Lee's "When the Levees Broke", "Douglas Brinkley's The Great Deluge" and first-hand accounts from my friends who lived through it, I realized that total societal breakdown was possible, and in fact, had occurred. A good friend and a typical musician type of guy bought a shotgun to protect his home and girlfriend from roving gangs. He was afraid for his life. People, that shit WAS REAL. It actually happened here in America. Friends said, well, that's New Orleans, that type of thing wouldn't happen in Portland. I'm not so sure.

Then I read Cormac McCarthy's "The Road" and really started to freak out. I started talking about buying a gun and stocking the basement with supplies. Mrs. Best put her foot down on the whole firearms angle, and of course I realize how totally ludicrous it is for to me to talk about owning a gun. I'm not exactly a man's man type of guy. But, I did grow up with guns, my dad collected them. I never went hunting or anything, but I did have an air rifle that I used for target practice.

Is it really that absurd to think that society could break down at some point in the future? Between terrorism and dirty bombs, peak oil, global warming and starvation, natural disasters and another Republican presidency, anything is possible. I would like to be prepared. I was thinking, maybe if every time I went grocery shopping I bought a few extra cans of food or a gallon of water I could start a stockpile without really making a big deal of it.

I just realized that I am Legend is in my Netflix queue. Maybe I should cancel that one...

Carvin out some Rock

As I mentioned earlier, I'm back into rock mode with a new band, Los Estimulantes. 3 practices so far and I have to say it's pretty promising. Dave, Marty and I have pretty good band telepathy after playing in the State Flowers together and in some goofy side-projects like the English Muffins. Ben is a super-quick study on lead guitar, so it's been pretty easy to come up with some decent sounding music.

We've been jamming on different ideas that we come up with on the spot and I've been bringing in some old and new songs of mine. Ben showed us one of his songs last practice and it was a pretty fun groove. I'm still not sure what we'll sound like, but I identified what I'd like to shoot for. I've been thinking about some kind of mix between Cheap Trick and Pink Floyd. Weird, huh?

I guess what I want is to indulge my 2 favorite types of music: short, catchy, guitar-pop songs and long repetitive droney instrumental jams. I love those long noise/groove songs that Yo La Tengo does from time to time. Pink Floyd does that as well, but also has the trippy psychedelic sound effects and weird noise that I love so much - and played for 2 years in King Black Acid. And Ben is such a good guitarist that I think we'll actually be able to pull that off. But, what I tend to write best are short little pop ditties like Guided By Voices or the Kinks. And somehow I think mixing these 2 sort of opposite things together could be really cool. Or totally suck ass.

I'm really enjoying playing guitar again, after playing bass in the last few projects I was involved with. I think I'm a better bass player than guitarist, but I think I'm a pretty decent rhythm player. When I played that acoustic set in New Orleans last year, some serious rocker friends (who had never really seen me play guitar) told me that I was playing really good rhythm guitar - which kind of gave me some confidence.

I've never, ever been able to play good solos and I can't finger pick all that well, but I think I have a really good idea of dynamics and rhythm. I think my ability is like a 3 out of 10, but my understanding of how to make good music is like an 8. Which is kind of weird. I guess it comes down to this - if you have minimal ability, but good taste and intuition, you can really offer a lot to a band...

Will I ever learn to play a good guitar solo? Who knows. It's funny, because in the State Flowers, both Corrina and I played lead. And people would often think on our recordings that the other person was playing the solo. In other words, I play "like a girl". And Corrina plays like a huge mountain of a man. It's pretty funny - I was all plinky, plinky, and Corrina would just rip out these wild bendy leads, it was really great.

I sold a lot of gear over the last 10 years, including my 1977 Telecaster. Oh well, it was either that or get evicted. So when we started this new project, I didn't have an electric guitar. Or I didn't think I did. After perusing some sites and stores I realized that to get a halfway decent guitar would be at least 500 bucks, which just wasn't really in the cards. But then, I remembered the guitar I bought when I was in high school - my first electric guitar, purchased in 1980 or so. It was a Carvin and I bought it out of a catalog. It had fallen out of favor with me, because a Carvin was just so NOT rock. I was all into Fenders and Rickenbackers, there was no way I was going to play some cheesy guitar that metal guys and smooth jazz guys were into.

But, for the hell of it, I dug it out. And I have to say - I kinda liked the way it looked. It was all black, for one. And it didn't have any obvious dated design flaws like a pointy headstock. I took it to the always reliable12th Fret to get it cleaned up and back into shape, since I hadn't seriously played it in 20 years.

I remember I took it to the recording sessions for the State Flowers album 10 years ago (!), because I thought it might be fun to play it on the record. I showed it to Tony, our producer, and I said, "Hey, this is my first guitar. I thought it'd be cool to play it on like one song. What do you think?" He took one look at it and said, "No." And that was it. Classic Tony. We've become friends over the years, I really need to give him shit about that.

Well, I plugged that Carvin into my Fender Deluxe amp in our first practice 2 weeks ago and it sounded great. Really full and heavy-sounding. I think it sounds better than my old Tele, and it's easier to play. I'm glad I could resurrect the Carvin from it's early grave. My next task is to see what all those knobs do.

You can't download a codpiece from iTunes, now can you?

Very funny R.E.M. (one of the hardest band names to type, btw) interview on Colbert's show last night. He gets in a couple good digs. The look on Stipe's face is priceless when he's asked why he doesn't write more songs about girls:



A pretty rocking (for TV) version of their current single:



Bill from Ministry is a great drummer, but I still miss the original Bill. Maybe they should have rotating drummers. Why not give this guy a try?



Thanks to Stereogum and The Sizzler.

I'm torn

As you probably know, the Graffiti Tablers are huge Beatles fans. John and George are gone. I saw Paul in 1993 at the Superdome in New Orleans. And Ringo - well, Ringo is going to be in PDX this summer. So, hey - it might be nice to see an ex-Beatle while they still exist, but it's hard to get hard for his All-Starr band. Let's see - Colin Hay. Ok, I can roll with some old Men At Work, no problem. Business As Usual was part of the soundtrack to our freshman year of college, so that might even be enjoyable.

Then there's Billy Squier. I can't turn my nose up at Mr. Stroke Me, after all I still really enjoy his 1981 album, Don't Say No. I think that record was one of those magical moments where a mediocre artist produces something excellent due to various unknown reasons. Maybe it was using Mack, the guy who produced Queen's The Game a year earlier. I dunno, but it's still a good record to me. His other stuff - not so much.

But then the All-Starrs start getting a little rough around the edges: Hamish Stuart, Edgar Winter, Gary Wright & Gregg Bissonette (enough with the linking). Hamish was in the Average White Band which is not a recommendation. I've never like Edgar or Johnny Winter, but I guess I could sit through Frankenstein if I've got the right brother. For sheer cheesy bliss, I'd enjoy hearing Gary Wright play Dreamweaver, but that's about it. And Gregg Bissonette I actually had to Google, so that shows you how much I'm into seeing this guy. Who, by the way, IS A DRUMMER. Ringo, you are a drummer, a great drummer - why in God's name are you bringing along some cheesy studio musician to ruin all the songs by overplaying everything? I guess all those years playing with Steve Vai amd Joe Satriani have paid off for him. On the bright side, he did tour with Spinal Tap, so my opinion just rose 10%.

Anyhoo - will I be able to drag anyone to this Boomerfest? The Edgefield could be a nice place to see this type of show - depending on the food and drink.

P.S. I mentioned I was a Beatles fan, right? Well, I'm compelled to mention that Hamish Stuart was actually in McCartney's band when I saw the '93 tour. And Gary Wright played on several Harrison solo albums in the 70's and even co-wrote a tune with him. Tweedly deedly dee, I'm a fucking nerd.

It's no drumming gorilla

But it's the talk of the ad world right now. Great spot. And freakin' great choice for the music. I want chocolate. Now.



What drumming gorilla?

Something Phishy in the State Of Denmark

Our buddy Ned, drummer extraordinaire, just got back from a tour in Denmark with reformed hippie-rocker Caleb Klauder. Local Cut has a 2-part tour diary here and here. Ok, the Phish reference was a cheap shot, actually Caleb and crew play beautiful Americana pretty far removed from the Deadesque noodlings of Calobo, his former band - so check these guys out, they're the real deal.

Because I care about you...

I'm not saying that anyone at the Grafitti Table or any of our readers are over 40 and portly, but I thought I'd share this happy little tidbit with you anyway.

Neighborhood of horrible restaurant names

When we moved to Woodlawn, our "up and coming" neighborhood a few years ago, there were no restaurants or stores or coffee shops in the immediate area. As I've written elsewhere, the Dekum Triangle are is now starting to develop - which we are very happy with. Here's a PDF of the official city plan, it's pretty exciting to see. The nice drawings are cropped to not show the horrible junkyard and gross industrial buildings. I wonder what's going to happen to those....?

Anyhoo, I hope the new businesses that come into the neighborhood will work a little harder on their business names than the 3 most recent arrivals. First there was Good Neighbor Pizzeria. Wow, could you have a more boring name? I'm no expert, but if I opened a place that sold triangular pizza slices in a neighborhood called the Dekum Triangle, I might have tried a little harder. Then there was the opening of Izogies, which I wrote about earlier. Good soul food, but kind of a tongue-twister of a name.

So yesterday I walked by the Village Ballroom because I had noticed the punk rock record store had moved out and someone else was moving in. Sure enough, a new restaurant is opening soon with the mindboggling name of Rumpslappers Broth and Beyond. Jesus Christ, people. They are moving from their current location on NE 42nd and all the reviews I've seen have been positive. AND they serve breakfast! I'm really looking forward to walking to breakfast this summer, but I am not looking forward to saying, "Meet me at Rumpslappers...."

A great family product

Just read the reviews!

The Audacity of Hope

This started as a comment - a long-ass comment - to Pete's post below. Typing in that small window, I realized I wanted to say more than what that window wanted to hold.

It's almost depressing how excited we all are at the prospect of an eloquent, intelligent and charismatic leader that seems to hold so many of our beliefs dear to his/her heart.

This man does seem to be from a mold that can only produce an amazing human being every 50-60 years. A seemingly endangered type of individual that possesses the true characteristics of a benign leader - that actually is willing to lead. To bear the slings, arrows and relatively small paycheck and use his/her gifts to help a nation, if not the world.

Take a minute. Go YouTube speeches from Bush, Kerry, Gore, Hilary and a host of others. Even my man Bill doesn't quite have what this dude does. A better orator than Bill? How is that even possible?

After the rise of W., I was certain that our country was forever stuck in this idiocracy. This acceptance of mediocre. This "my job is HARD" type of President.

If anything, Senator Obama is proving to us that we have settled the last eight years for complete bullshit and corrupt leadership. For a president that puts his friends and his own wallet above the American people. For lies, torture, stealing and utter incompetence.

I hear you. You're saying that you didn't settle. But yeah, you/we did. That...person...is still in charge. Still the Commander-in-Chief. The simple fact that Bush still holds that office if proof enough that we...Americans...have settled for being led by a criminal, a buffoon, a comparably illiterate man that has skated his way to the top. I wear a t-shirt that says 1-8-09, proclaiming that as the last day we will put up with the worst president this country may have ever seen. Why isn't that date today, yesterday, two years ago? I have sadly settled. And so has the rest of this country.

What maybe struck me most is Governor Richardson's quote that Senator Obama is a "good guy." Why the hell haven't we put a "good guy" in office since perhaps President Carter? I love my Bill, but is he a "good guy"? I don't give a crap about the fooling around - leave that to the provincial mouth-breathers who care about such behavior, in spite of what's happening in their own houses. But President Clinton - my man Bill - still has an air of "Look at me. Ain't I something?" to him. That wink that told us he was smarter than everyone else. He is - all that and more. But I would have loved him even more if he just did the wonderful job he did - and let that do the talking.

But I can't escape the questions. Am I a sucker? Am I putting the Senator from Illinois on a pedestal that time, the truth and the difficulties that lie ahead will topple? Maybe. But Barack does that for me and millions of others. He gives us the audacity of hope. The chance to dream of a better America that will not settle anymore.

I'm glad this happened in Portland

I actually had a ticket for this event, but couldn't go because of work. Crap.

Bill Richardson Endorses Barack Obama.



And if you have half an hour to spare, here's the best political speech since JFK:

It's like a parable

I'm usually very skeptical of the hot new rook book, since I've been burned so many times. Chuck Klosterman? Ugh. That guy sucks. I'd been seeing bits and pieces on a new book called Rock On: An Office Power Ballad. Maybe it was his annoying author photo that turned me off, but it just looked like another lame music biz obituary. But this morning I read an interview with author Dan Kennedy on the AV Club and I actually "laughed out loud" several times. I added this book to the must read list. The quote below is a pretty good assessment of the major label's short-sited greed:

"You know, any other business in the world would have said, "My God, there are millions and millions of people who are showing this incredible demand for our business, and they want it in these files. They're trading amongst themselves and trying to set up ad hoc networks to do it. How can we make that a better experience and have them come over to our side?" That's all they would have had to do. That's all Steve Jobs did. The first time you tried to download stuff on Limewire and Kazaa and got partial files or weird mixes, you started getting disenchanted. Then Steve Jobs came along and said, "Hey, iTunes. Buck a track. There's no partial files, and you won't get booted off." And he sells three billion songs. But the majors see that as bad business, because they know that on those three billion songs, they could have made $60 billion by selling CDs at $20 for those three songs you really want. As long as you're addicted to a 1,621 percent profit margin, you're going to keep finding a way to hang on to it. But you're gonna go down with the ship. It's like a parable."

Morning Tongue

Funny? Sure, I guess. It's getting to the point where I'm just so...bored with the "snicker-snicker-get-it?-it's-a-dick-joke-and-we're-getting-away-with-it-so-we'll-hammer-it-into-the -ground-aren't-we-clever?-really-really-clever?" attitude here.

Then again, the target is most likely men 18-24. So what do I know?

It makes me feel dirty.

As a true Mac snob, I was appalled to read that uber-douche Rush Limbaugh is an avid Mac fan, and actually pointed out a OSX problem that Apple will address with a future upgrade. First, there's the addiction to painkillers, now the Mac loving - what else will I have in common with this creep? I shudder to think. Maybe it's weird to ascribe a political agenda to an inanimate object, but I had always viewed the PC as being the tool of choice for stodgy, boring, unimaginative conservative types, and the Mac being the box for trendy and creative progressives (I can hear Crustodio grinding his teeth all the way from Seattle). So, what's next? Ann Coulter shilling for Volvo?

Los Estimulantes

High-level negotiations occurred last night over the formation of a new musical project, featuring Marty and Dave from the State Flowers and Rexaco, Ben from Foma and DeHaviland and yours truly, Pete Best. Rehearsal space to be made ready, PA head to be purchased, xmas lights to be hung and beer to be consumed. Oh, and I have to buy an electric guitar. I sold my 70's Telecaster when I was dead broke and unemployed. I still have my Martin acoustic, but that will not be sufficient for the heavy rocking that we are sure to do.

Even though we have no idea what we will be doing, it is very exciting to be playing with people I like, unlike my recent experience playing with the negative creeps. I'm not sure what we'll come up with for a sound. I guess Ben and I will write some songs or maybe we'll come up with stuff all together. The only thing known right now is our name: Los Estimulantes.

I was in Dots a few years ago with some of the gang, and saw this cool old Mexican drug warning poster. There were drawings of different drugs, like cocaine, marijuana, etc. and then the Spanish word for them. At the bottom of the poster was a drawing of a bunch of pills and the legend, los estimulantes. The second I saw it, I thought: great band name.

Getting excited....

Less than 2 weeks to the big Springsteen concert. I'm such a big fan and I've never seen him before. Crazy, I know. I found a page of set lists from the last few weeks and compiled a master list of all the songs he's been playing:

Adam Raised A Cain
Badlands
Because The Night
Devil's Arcade
Gypsy Biker
Last to Die
Livin' In the Future
Lonesome Day
Long Walk Home
Magic
No Surrender
The Promised Land
Radio Nowhere
Reason To Believe
The Rising
The River
She's The One
Waitin' On A Sunny Day
Incident On 57th Street
Night
Be True
I'll Work for Your Love
The Ties That Bind
Working On The Highway
Jackson Cage
Loose Ends
Darkness On The Edge Of Town
So Young And In Love
Janey Don't You Lose Heart

Encore:

Girls In Their Summer Clothes
Thunder Road
Jungleland
Ramrod
Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)
Kitty's Back
Born To Run
Dancing In The Dark
American Land

I don't know why I pasted that entire list in here. I must be high.

Big Hollywood Premiere Tonight

Hollywood district of Portland, that is. Mrs. Best recently made a short film about Al Forthan, who she used to work with at VOA (Volunteers of America). There's a premiere of the movie tonight at the Hollywood Theater and it's a benefit for the Al Forthan Memorial Scholarship Fund.

Al was a legendary drug dealer and addict who turned his life around and became a very successful counselor for men with addictions. His street cred helped him reach a lot of people who ordinarily wouldn't have listened. Sadly, he passed away a few years ago. Here's an article from the Portland Observer with more background on Al and the scholarship fund.

The doors open at 7pm, film starts at 7:30pm…be there early to get your free popcorn, candy and sodas.

How Bannana Cream Pies Can Taste Even Better

It's a debate that will rage as long as there are televisions in the world.

Mary Ann or Ginger?

The bad boy side of me wanted Ginger. The badder boy wanted Mary Ann.

Now I know why.

You need a video

And if you do need a video - these are the go-to folks you've been looking for:

Attention: local drummers

"If you live in Portland and are just fucking amazing on the drums, feel free to drop us a line."

Well, hell, that is quite an invite from Portland's own Thermals, who lost their drummer today. Very welcoming, except that the band is wildly overrated, and the other 2 band members are also drummers. Just what you want, 2 other drummers judging your every paradiddle. Maybe that's the why the guy left. I briefly met Lorin through a friend of a friend in October and he was already talking about leaving the band, though it sounds like it was an amicable split. I just wish Kathy Foster would quit and get back to the All Girl Summer Fun Band - now, they rule.

Legalize it!

The writers of the Wire offer up a plan of civil disobedience to end the drug war. I'm facing jury duty in 3 months, so I'll keep this in mind.

This is what a music geek thinks about

I have always loved the multiple singer/songwriter band (hereafter referred to as MSS bands). This probably stems from my childhood Beatles/Monkess obsession. I just love the contrast between different singers and writers in a band setting. The Beatles are really the classic example of MSS, and also the first. In order to really be a MSS band there has to be more than one dominant singer/songwriter, so there's a real back and forth going on. All four wrote and sang their own songs, though obviously George and Ringo didn't write as much as Lennon/McCartney. While John and Paul were basically 2 solo artists in a band (SAIB) with an equal share of the material, George and Ringo both set up different band songwriting archetypes. George originated the one-song-per-album writer who sang lead only on his songs, henceforth known as OSPA. And Ringo was the first of the once-in-a-blue-moon novelty songwriters, henceforth known as OIBM.

Among all the big British bands of the 60's, the Beatles were really the only full-on MSS band. The Stones had a writing team, but only one lead singer. Yes, I know Keith was an occasional OSPA and Bill had a OIBM moment on Satanic Majesty's, but they are not a MSS band. The Who come very close, but are typically skewed. They had a lead singer who didn't write (Roger), a main songwriter who sometimes sang lead (Pete), an OSPA (John) and an OIBM (Keith). The Davies brothers in the Kinks both wrote and sang, but Dave's contributions were really in OSPA vein.

Although most people don't think the Monkees actually wrote their own sings, they did. Well, at least Mike did, although Peter, Davy and Mickey did manage to get a few in there. And in Mickey's case, pure brilliance - Randy Scouse Git anyone? Arguably, Mike was a SAIB, but shared lead vocals equally with non-songwriting Davy and Mickey. Thankfully, Peter only got a few vocal performances on record (sorry, dude).

The 60's were a great era for the MSS bands, though. The Byrds are one of the best. Roger McGuinn, Gene Clark, David Crosby, Chris Hillman, Gram Parsons all wrote and sang their own stuff. Along with Buffalo Springfield, they really spearheaded the MSS movement in the 70's - Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young being one of the more well-known results. Fittingly, Graham Nash was in the Hollies a possible MSS British band, though I don't know enough about them to say. Maybe it was a West Coast thing, because San Francisco also had a lot of MSS bands: Moby Grape, Jefferson Airplane, and (I think) the Dead. The Beach Boys had multiple writers and lead singers. I would say in the 60's they were really Brian's band, but by the 70's they had become a real MSS band.

The Clash is a weird case. A songwriting duo with a main lead singer (Joe) and occasional lead singer (Mick). Queen is also a tough one to call. Yes, Freddie was the lead singer, but not the only songwriter. Vocally, Brian and Roger were OSPA's, but full-on SAIB's are far as songwriting goes. And while John didn't sing, he wrote his share of material - still enjoying those Another One Bites the Dust royalties, Mr. Deacon? It's a borderline case, but I'm just going to lump them in. Then there's Pink Floyd. Another borderline case: multiple singers, but really one main songwriter (Roger), though Dave and Richard did co-write a lot of the material. Some true 70's MSS bands include the Eagles and Fleetwood Mac. And, sadly, Styx. It seems that the MSS band went out of fashion after the 70's. Maybe it was Styx's fault.

I can't think of too many examples in more recent years. Well, there's XTC, Love & Rockets, the Long Ryders, the Db's, Husker Du and They Might Be Giants in the 80's. And Uncle Tupelo, Teenage Fanclub, Travelling Wilburys and Sebadoh in the 90's. MSS bands seemed to be very popular in New Orleans when I lived there: the Continental Drifters, Dash Rip Rock, Cowboy Mouth, and my own band, the House Levelers. I'm sure there are tons of others - who else did I miss?

Sublimely dunderheaded

I love when the New York Times reviews really, really bad movies. The way they archly skewer the film is always entertaining. Today's victim is 10,000 B.C. I love this passage:

Yet even as the story begins, the old ways seem to be dying out, as the Yagahl, a tribe of snuffleupagus hunters who favor extensions in their hair and eschew contractions in their speech, prepare for their last hunt.

Snuffleupagus - awesome! It's like seeing a horrible movie with a really smart & funny friend, whispering comments to you under their breath. Sublime, indeed.

Before I get old

As you probably know, I loves to read. And I loves music. So, it just figures that I'd love music books. And I do, I do. Well, here's a pretty good list of 45 music books to check out. I've read about 15 of those on the list. I would add to that list the Kurt Cobain biography Heavier Than Heaven. And the controversial Sinatra bio His Way by Kitty Kelly.

This list reminded me of some old favorites like The Beatles Forever and Guralnick's Elvis books. And it reminded me that I still need to read Before I Get Old: The Story of the Who. Shit, I got old before I read that book. Oddly, they left off Crustodio's favorite rock book....

Thanks, Pop Candy.

Keep Your Eyes Ahead

Local lads the Helio Sequence just debuted a cool, shot-in-Portland video. They dragged their portable stage all over town. Pretty nifty.

I remember when these young 'uns used to open for King Black Acid when I was still in the band. Hard to believe these guys have been going at for 10 years now...

Keep Your Eyes Ahead

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Talk is the Cure

If you don't talk to your children about everything, how will they learn? When to start talking the truth? It's never too soon. You'd think that, say, they're still safe and innocent in the third grade.

But they're not.

Talk to your kids, people. I cannot stress this enough.



Thanks, Mr. Crunchy

Outplayed

Sorry, Hillary. You are out of time.

Out of luck. Out of step with how freakin’ ready we are for some serious change. No, this is not a fair assessment of Mrs. Clinton. She shared the White House with the best President to have ever held the post during my lifetime. She cares. She understands that health care is not a luxury, but a right all Americans should have. She is fully qualified to run this country. To run it with more conscience, compassion, clarity and intelligence than the poor excuse we have for leadership that now resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. But she has already become an also-ran.

You deserve more. You've served your country well. You'd be an outstanding choice to be the first female commander-in-chief.

But holy christ-on-a-cracker, how are you supposed to run against this?



Can I get a witness?

I am an Obama man. And yes, yes we can.